Missing what matters!

Today is a day of high-strung emotions.

I went to the temple, as always on Saturdays. Just as I was about to start my pradakshinam, I saw a little girl hugging her father so tightly. Her face was glowing with her love. Even though the father found the hug a bit too tight, he was revelling in her love for him.

That moment broke the tear dam, which was holding up for a long time.

I wiped my tears and started the pradakshinam.

Then came running two small girls, in polka-dotted frocks, all smiling and absolutely happy to be there. That was the next moment. The tears couldn’t be controlled.

What’s this with these little girls and their showing of love, that breaks me down!!

When my elder one was little, she used to wait for her Appa to come back from work. She’ll be looking out for him, from the bedroom window. Since her height was an issue, she used to stand on the cot’s head stand and look at the window with wide opened eyes. Among all the bikes that passed our home, she’ll rightly identify her Appa’s with the sound of the engine. And will start shrieking with joy looking at him and waving to him.

Now, there is a role reversal. The father and the mother put together wait to see their little girl run towards them…

I am holding strong. But there are days when that strength fails you in comparison to the love thread in between.

To put in one simple line – an emotionally strung mother is missing her daughters!

Day 4 – When laughter came to meet me :)

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For this November blogging, I made this decision to write about the goodness around me. But then what about the goodness that happens to me? ūüėČ I feel a strong urge, almost equivalent to thrill, to share this here.

Yesterday, was a day to remember when my home was filled with laughter and non-stop chatter for nearly 4 hours, when I listened and listened and smiled and laughed along with her. Yes…am talking about the awesomely lovely Pinoo with her impeccable laughter!

When she called to say that she’s coming, the first question I asked was “What do you want to eat at¬† home?” And she was like “How about Rava dosa?” – she just knows the way to my heart.

But then yday, she went suddenly like “Can you give me Sambar rice?” How can I refuse a request for food?! Made capsicum sambar and loved watching her love my food…its a special moment for me.

As we all say we never felt like we’re meeting for the first time…it happens with us bloggers always ūüôā

I hugged her tight like I do to my girls even though she kept saying that she’s sweating…ha ha…who doesn’t sweat in this hot city Chennai ūüėÄ

A memorable yesterday and a feeling good me !

A Sunday Summer Musing

Summer is here
And I think things are on a high
The heat for sure is one
And there are some
Which has to be felt
With eyes closed
And when the smells hit you
You smile
Its a Summer high !

The jasmines
Jackfruits
Mangoes sweet
And mangoes to pickle
Makes one spiral
To the heavenly abodes
Of heightened fragrances
To eat
And to feel
To relish
In the headiness
And this is the Summer I love !

The sweat levels are high
Blimey…I say with a sigh
Then I read all about
How good is sweat
To cool us during the heat
And I pacify the mind
That its this heat
Which brings those fragrant things
To life
And upon which depends
Right now, my life !

My selfie girl ;)

Did you wash your face?, asks daddy
And vehemently she nods her head, “Aye”
You look dull and tired, says he
But I just used a face-wash, says she…
Its a never ending conversation, thinks me !

Did you put cream?, asks daddy
Oh yeah…lots of it, assures she
Then why is it that you look so famished
That’s my natural skin, says a defensive she
I know where its going, confirms my silly smile !

Oh !! BTW, did you put powder?, asks daddy
That ought to help to brighten thee
Oh no…please stop daddy…
This is my natural skin, please
See, I told you…says me ūüėÄ

And then she huffs and puffs to the balcony
To free from questions of the hallway
The breeze does the trick
And she gets ready to click
Of herself, to prove the skin lovely !

The selfie shots begin
The smile ever so brilliant
The joy catching up to the eyes
Making her glow
With infectious effervescence
The hair framing her face
And she makes funny faces
Its an overload on the SD card
Of multiple pictures
Thronging on single moment
Yet
Its beautiful
That capture
For future
The happiness stored
Is a joy forever
Oh my darling !! How I treasure
Your heart full of pleasure
Of a simple selfie click ‚̧

Day 18 – Honest perspectives

There’s a kind of honest policy that runs as the base in my family. When we met before our wedding¬†for the first time, that was something we started following – being honest – without realizing that we are making way for our daughters to follow suit.¬† And that has been the biggest example to live by and also the most responsible lesson taught, in my view.

For whenever things go wrong during school life, or when they get reprimanded in school for something, I’ll always be given the honest explanation of what really happened.¬† When friendships fail or when they want to talk about somebody, there’ll be an honest talk about it.¬† It could be because of a misunderstood problem by the daughter or by the friend. But the moment a transparent and honest view-point is presented before me, I just go with my child and support her to the fullest. I just trust them implicitly¬†as they’ve learnt the¬†“being¬†honest” lesson very well. ¬†I stress over¬†this one point – Even when she has made a mistake, I support her. Because she has been honest in accepting it to me.

It gives a mom like me, who used to be paranoid for various things that happen around, a sense of peace to know what really happened.

I used to sit with my girls during their class exams to help them revise the subjects.¬† But I always had it in the back of my head that I should let them be how they are and they should be allowed to study to their level and the level I expect them to study and score marks.¬† So, I helped them all along till Grade 5 and left them to study on their own from Grade 6. Their projects were theirs to do. Maybe I’ll help them to go shopping for buying stuff for their projects.¬† And the little one, suddenly went¬†from 95% to 75% or so, when she started studying on her own. I knew the teacher will be¬†shocked. I was waiting for the PTA to happen.¬† And when the teacher saw me, she just started worrying so much about the percentage that has suddenly dropped. I calmly smiled at her and said that this 75% is her own effort, with no help from me. And so it¬†needs to be appreciated.¬† The little one was very happy that I told her teacher honestly that it is all her effort and that she needs to be appreciated.¬† And I too understood that it is not enough to talk about honesty, we also need to set an example of living by it.

Once when her friend suddenly stopped talking to her, the younger one was very upset. I suggested that she ignore it and leave it.¬† But she went up to her and told her “Whatever problem you have just tell it to me honestly. Do not hide behind this silence !”¬† Yeah, she can be just bluntly honest.

She was being teased with another boy, when they were hardly 11 years old. She and this boy are good friends and she didn’t like being teased like that. So, she used to shout at all the friends and tell “Honestly, we are only friends”. But this boy had kept quiet, enabling the others to continue teasing.¬† She was very upset with him because he didn’t tell the truth – which was that they are only friends.¬† She refused to talk with him till he apologized to her properly.

Once she left the Tupperware tiffin box in the railway station and boarded  the train, while coming back from school. She realized her mistake. Got down in the next station. Went back and checked and it was gone. Came home and told me the whole thing.  Accepting the mistake and owning it up makes one a better person.  We, as parents, are not going to gobble them up for when they tell us about a mistake done.

My husband too always insists on owning up for their mistakes, for we are human.  It actually helps us to deal with it in a better way than knowing from others about what our children have done.

All said and done, now its a way of life. And that is how things are done here.  It feels good to have instilled one of the best qualities to my children.

Month of ramblings

 

Life’s great lessons, yet told simply…

I’ve a younger sister and brother. ¬†We all grew up with the same kind of dos and don’ts and thankfully, my brother was treated on par with us, girls. ¬†Appa and Amma used to be the same strict parents when they felt we were going beyond their financial boundaries. ¬†But sharing the reality with us, made us aware of the harsh side of life very early in our lives.

We saw our parents slogging day in and day out for a better and comfortable lifestyle; those times were tough ones. Even though they were stressed up for a better financial life, there were small things that they enjoyed and music was one of them. ¬†Whether its MS Subbulakshmi’s Suprabatham or Sulamangalam sisters’ Skanda Shasti Kavasam or the morning Vividh Bharati or the amazing voices of Rafi, Kishore, SPB, Jesudas – every kind of music was appreciated and enjoyed.

One night Vividh Bharati was broadcasting Ghazals by Rafi.  A soulful rendition by Rafi and it was the first time I listened to it.  Appa was sitting and having his usual Vethalai pakku ritual (betel leaves with supari was his favorite) . Listening to it, he suddenly had tears in his eyes.  Music does that to him.  And when I asked why Ghazals today, he told that it was the Death Anniversary of Rafi.  I still cherish this musical memory with Appa.

We three siblings still do – music is a part of our life giving us little places to find solace and peace within us. ¬†Appa played the music he enjoyed and we just took the music forward into our lives with open hearts ūüôā

The world may say different things about what we believe is right.  But we need to persist with our beliefs.  For this we need tremendous amount of inner strength to face the world, with our principles intact.  This is another big lesson from my parents.  They were silent yet strong.  They were resilient even when problems hit their shore in subsequent waves.  They learned to smile during tough times and expertly passed on that quality onto us.  And I am so sure that this is the biggest lesson that we three have learnt Рits the game of survival with a smile.

And biggest of all was the freedom that they gave us – in doing what we liked in our career, in choosing our friends, to go out with friends – they trusted us implicitly. ¬†And as a mother, I’m trying my level best to impart the same to my daughters and I hope I’ve done well. ¬†This freedom is like a breath of fresh air, when I hear tales of girls not being allowed to do what their heart desired.

Appa resides in our hearts now…
But Amma is still strong in her mind and in the way she’s helping others with financial difficulties. ¬†I see her day in and day out, doing something or other, never resting for a minute. ¬†She reminds us about important things which we need to do asap, in her own gentle way. ¬†She’s a pillar of strength and I’m thankful for her presence in my life. ¬†She still teaches me on how to be busy even when we grow old and enjoy the simple joys of life, as it comes and also in adapting to the changing ways of her grandchildren.

We learn some lessons by reading about it…
We learn some when we are the players in the field…
And then some are learnt by observing our parents…

 

Microblog Mondays – One big truth from Oliver’s Story

Last week, I read Oliver’s Story by Erich Segal, sequel to Love Story. Quite an interesting take on relationships. When Oliver finds a girl again, he thinks this is it. But in his own words, the reader could make out this is not it. Sometimes, the situations, the words communicated all sound so artificial, that it doesn’t make the reader feel the love. I cried so much when Jenny died in Love Story, but I was glad that Marcie was not a part of his life. The characters become so real, for me.

And the big truth which was very obvious was when Oliver really understood what good his dad has done. And this happened when his Dad retired at 65. That’s really a big waste of so many years of misunderstanding each other. A relationship needs proper communication to flourish and exude love. And for this communication, we need to put in some effort and spend some time listening or being there for the other person. But of course, all these, only if we value that relationship so much.

We, as parents, always think about the welfare of our children and decide on certain things. And the child sees the same decision, so differently. So, it is important that parents talk their heart out about their decisions to their children and should also allow their children to counter those decisions from their angle. This healthy communication, builds trust, love and the bonding becomes stronger. And finally, it is easy to agree on a common point, where the parents and the children are happy.

So, as parents, let’s build relationships with our children and not snub them at every opportunity.
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