Recently my friend posted this on her timeline:
For a long time, it had seemed to me that life was about to begin…..
But there was always some obstacle in the way,
something to be gotten through first,
some unfinished business,
time still to be served, a debt to be paid.
Then life would begin.
At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.
I would just make a small edit to the above quote – I would use “challenges” instead of obstacles. We think of them as obstacles when we don’t understand what is life all about. But when we understand that all those “so called obstacles” maketh our life, the right word becomes “challenges”.
I copied this quote in an effort to write a post, but its been more than 2 weeks and I’ve not written a word. The simple reason was there were many challenges to be met that didn’t give me time to sit in front of my keyboard. But throughout this time, my mind went around my archives of thoughts over the last two decades!
I was the peacefully-quiet-routine-loving woman. I loved my motherhood moments. Life was super fun or so I thought with the regular routines of managing a household. Shopping for home, for the girls, for friends were all major events I looked forward to. Walking, exercising, yoga were all done to burn my extra calories. Food was top priority and all the chores revolved around it, everyday. Get-together with friends, breakfast meets, weekly dinner meets were on the cards. I had my own house and I was feeling on top of the world that I was finally settled. But there was this feeling inside which said that life is not complete with this routine. I just didn’t know what it was that I was missing. But I just didn’t allow that feeling to grow nor did I listen to it. The fun which I having felt more wonderful.
There were moments when I missed my career but one look at my daughters erased any such thoughts. Being with them was my own choice over a career and I was having the time of my life.
Fast forward to the last five years…
We moved base to Chennai and selling our house at Hyderabad was a logical decision. It tore me up but I went ahead to do it. That was like the first jolt of those “challenges” in my life.
When the husband started his own business, I joined with him full time. Little did I know what I was expecting with that jump.
I was shaken up from my reverie of to-do lists – there was no routine for any day. This bothered me a lot in the beginning as I just can’t tolerate change of plans; even a power failure will make me annoyed at things.
There were times when things were not in my control and I was helpless; but I was feeling guilty like silly…
Schedules kept changing…
And I was apprehensive to this feeling of things not happening the way I want them to happen.
After repeatedly facing unplanned days and events and after repeated knocks on the thinking door in my mind, I hit the Zen moment…
It was a hard earned truth; the learning to let go! I accepted that each day is different and new things can be done each day in a different way. I learnt that the routine 9-5 job is boring and this was like living life to the fullest. The mystery of not knowing what’s next and what the next day is bringing to me is absolutely exciting. Am learning to love this excitement.
Along with it, came the realization to “love myself” as it led to inner peace of mine. When I am my usual critical self, my efficiency goes down. But making mistakes and accepting them with a smile helps me in dealing with the mistake by giving a solution to it.
I’ve understood that being absolutely busy 24*7 is such a blessing, as the mind is always focused on the challenge at that moment. It helps in overcoming negative thoughts, wild imaginations about situations and wondering what others are thinking about me…
I feel much lighter and I don’t stress too much on following my rigid practices at home. I don’t stress when I am not able to cook – yeah…surprise there! I sternly remind myself not to look at the heap of unfolded clothes…yup, that’s certainly not my usual self! These days, I cook something so that there is food to keep us going. And sometimes I choose my outfit from the heap of unfolded clothes! The interesting fact is that there are no hard feelings about this to myself!
My work is my holy place and all that I do revolves around it. When Lord Krishna / Ganesha came calling, I didn’t stress myself for my usual elaborate food preparations. Rather, I prayed sincerely for 5 minutes and let the work take over the day. It felt very soothing when I didn’t criticize myself for not doing the kozhukattai or the seedai. Rather I was happy to give fruits as prasadam.
As they say, its all in the mind…its all in the thinking and am glad that am able to face up to my challenges in a more joyous way!
And today I say that there have been lessons which has been the result of my own experiences, which I am sure has made me happier and a better person.
Yes, I’ve changed but that’s what life is all about, right?