Longing – Learning – Letting go – Love

Everyday I sit to practice pranayama – gently working on the inhale and the exhale. First making the exhale long and subtle. And then holding the breath after exhale. This helped me to relax a lot! I was Learning a lot about my breath as I practiced everyday.

Some days, I tried to work on the inhale and may be hold after inhale. I felt energetic the whole day.

As I worked on the inhales and exhales, one thing became clear – the body has tremendous confidence of the next breath coming inside. It just holds a small volume deep inside the lungs and allows the breath to let go! Go breath go – that moment of exhale is too important that you cannot stop noticing it. What assurance do I have of the next inhale? Nothing. Anything can happen or all can be well. But the body knows. Letting go is the best option. Holding it inside is more suffocating. As I type these words, I feel enlightened! Really! Have you wondered about breath like this?

Same holds good for emotions, food, water – anything that goes inside the body needs to be let out. The body cannot hold it all for its suffocating to hold.

I have realised that the beauty of Love is also to let go! When there is so much love for one person, we sometimes try to hold them close and never let them go out of sight. It is like the love is the leash that keeps them connected to us. This is suffocating too. I learned that love needs to be free and giving – not to be held inside but let out in words, expressions, in letting the other person be their own, in not using it to change the other person! And I feel that I am in a space of love and enjoy being in that space!

Being conditioned in that restricting kind of love all these years, it is a struggle many times – to feel the love even when the other person is in no mood to receive it.

There is Longing inside to Love better…
Am Learning everyday to Love better…
The Letting go is helping me to Love better…

Thank you for lingering till the end of this post!

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Day 12 – Friday Thoughts Fusion

My daughters think of me as the most perfect mom. But I disagree. I’m imperfect in many ways. I’ve made a lot of mistakes as a new mother and may be I still make a few. We don’t get trained in that motherhood department before we get a child, right ?? 😉

Once, when my elder one  was a little older than a year or so, I left hot water in a vessel on the floor and she tried to wet her hands and play with it…Oh dear…she got burnt. Lesson learnt in the rude way, as I rushed to the doc !!

And I underestimated the power of a child who can kick her way out of the bed and fall from it too…sigh…yes, very bad experience for both me and my kid.

Even though I wanted to be very careful that my daughters don’t get hurt, I think it’s quite natural in their growing process. How I learn from the experiences, they also learn from such experiences.

And then there have been incidents when I failed to see their point of view of doing things.  Even though I consider myself as a mom who is more open-minded for changes, there have been times, when I said “Do it because I say so” – ha ha…yeah, I did say so 😉

I’ve failed many times to give explanations for doing certain things.  And actually when I tried to explain to them the reason for doing it, I realized that it was such a stupid thing. But I couldn’t laugh at myself then…
I couldn’t put myself down in front of my girls then…
I felt forced to show off this perfect image to them…
I felt critical about myself for not doing things the perfect way…
I had this urge in me to be the perfect person…

But alas, it takes time to understand the reality in life. The moment I understood that I’m not perfect and I need not be perfect and that it’s ok to make mistakes, I felt a lot good.  I started laughing at my mistakes (all these are quite recent) and I feel much lighter !! And I also laugh at it along with my girls and then I sense a bonding more stronger. As they realize that its Ok to make mistakes for we are all human.

You know, when I used to watch a movie and if there are any sad scenes or of death, I’ll hesitate about my daughters watching those scenes. I remember so well, when I shooed them away when SRK was dying in Kal Ho Na Ho….my daughter recalls that episode even now about me not allowing them to watch that movie properly !!  And the realization that I cannot withhold all such things from them always has helped me to watch good and bad movies with them. In essence, watch calmly when life throws its good and bad at you.