Sunday rumination – Life’s always throwing lemons…

Its up to me to decide if those lemons are meant for making a sweet lemonade or to make a spicy hot pickle or just crush it out to clean the whites of stains 😀

Actually every lemon that gets thrown at me is an opportunity for me…

…to distinguish the good from the bad, in my own way

…to move away from closed doors and start looking at small windows that are trying to open for me

…to understand that some incidents happened in my life to change my course of journey and to make me think differently about the same situation

…to turn the sour lemons to sweet melons, just by looking only at things which give me happiness

…to ignore the things that cause hurt and pain to the heart – oh yeah, this could be a daunting task, but well worth the effort, as I love myself more than anyone, now a days

As I woke up this morning, “When life throws lemons, make lemonade” came to my mind…its one of those bizzare thought process of my sleepy mind. Just out of the blue, I started thinking more about that line. As I loaded the clothes into the washing machine, I thought that it need not be lemonade always and it could also be made into a pickle – the citrus-y spicy can make the tongue wanting more of it!

And when I was making coffee, came the philosophical thoughts – some days are like that – I just learn to take it as it gives me myriad of thoughts and critical analysis of myself. The only difference to the whole scene today is I don’t carry on the guilt of not performing to my standards. After all the thoughts are processed, I realize that I am more important to myself and my happiness is more important to myself and it is one of the treasured things which I should not forego at any cost.

So, keeping myself happy, whether with lemonade or lemon pickle, I go about my day, writing my thoughts in my space – a recording to be read another day to calm the mind and soothe the heart.

Microblog Mondays: Addicted, I say !

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Oh my !! Its the winter skies
Brilliant with cloud patterns
And beautiful hues
That take my breath away
Every morning, day after day
And then the sunsets too !!

As I stand in wonder
In that balcony of mine
My mind calms and the soul wakes up
Its this moment that I wait for everyday
That keeps me going the whole day !!

Then it hits me…
This moment needs to be captured
In lens too.
So that I can tell all those people
Of the amazing sunrise that started off the day !

And so the fingers dance over the tiny keyboard
On that outdated mobile
Instantaneously shared
Without any filter
Of course, on Instagram 😀

Oh yes…it’s out there for the world to see
The sunshine pics and my happiness !
Its a routine now, everyday…
What else to call it ??
Addicted, I say !

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A second innings babble

I know its too early to put up a second innings update…but nevertheless words or thoughts cannot be stopped from expressing 😉

Sometimes I wonder whether to put my thoughts as a Facebook update and be lost in the sea of updates there or write a leisurely post on my blog and save it for future references.  As always, giving respect to my intuition and to the fact that I love my blog more than anything, the thoughts and hence the words find their way here. And thank you all for reading them and giving your comments 🙂

The second innings began for me just a few days ago – no, I don’t mean a cricket field. But in my life which some people call the empty nest syndrome.  I actually have a lot of plans for it. Since there is no big responsibility of children at home who need my immediate attention, am planning on doing things which I’ve postponed for long.

In the mean time, there is this big reality hits, that I face on a day-to-day basis.

– First of all, there’s no lunch packing. And many days I miss doing it, which I never thought would. Seeing all those empty lunch boxes lying in the shelf makes me nostalgic.
– After switching off the lights at night, there is no little voice that asks, “Mommy, what’s for breakfast tomorrow??” or “What are you packing for lunch tomorrow?”.  And I didn’t know that I’ll miss it.
– Suddenly, my 10 ltr pressure cooker looks humongous. And I’ve switched to the 5 ltr one.  You feel this is such a small thing ?? Just try changing the regular one – you’ll understand my feelings.
– I’ve the 6 plates idly set of which I’m using only 3 now :\
– Vegetable buying is based more on my taste than the kids.
– Washing machine can be run just two times a week – OMG !! Just imagining those hectic days when I used to put two loads in the machine and wait for it to dry so that it can be ironed…sigh…is this what everybody says that “its just a phase…this too shall pass” !!
– Coffee drinking and Dosa eating – clearing the newspaper and vessels – a few routines that I do…that means I’m free for a chunk of time – may be I can read a book 😉  And that’s all the more reason that you see me blogging more and reading more of your posts too 😀
– Then what ?? Even my two bedroom flat looks big now !! The mind is seriously thinking of a Studio apartment 😉
– Me, who used to love the weekends, is dreading the same, as work days are better at handling the emptiness at home.
– Its funny how we both are learning to live just by ourselves – sometimes we are so bored that we don’t know what to do, we both get up in the middle of the night like bats and keep talking, many a times we don’t cook elaborate stuff and just stick to thayir sadam (curd rice) – its weird and its funny. Yet we are learning again.

And this is just a sample. Await more updates on my second innings 😀

While my wonderful friend is beginning her awesome life with her second born, I’m sitting in an easy chair with a book in hand and Romedy now on in the background, sometimes wondering where the hell did the time fly !!

Conversations

You know what ??? I love conversations – the various faces and colors of it.

The best of the best conversations till date, which I cherish are from my childhood days – with my sister and pal, over a cup ( a big mug to be precise 😉  ) of tea and endless talks – the places can be anything like a corner between the cot and the wall – it can be on the steps overlooking the sky – the terrace with its umpteen crows looking on us – but they are the best and I miss those conversations a lot. We just talk, we don’t give opinions neither we judge. We just talk and I’ve found that great sibling bond with those awesome conversations with her.

And then there are the amazing conversations with my daughters. Even though the ones during their toddler years are adorable, I loved it even more when I could talk to them as adults. The endless talks about this girl and that boy, the testing teachers, the teen issues, the books read, doing the HP discussion on spells and what not, all the rom-coms we’ve watched together, people’s behavior and attitudes, why this superstition and why not that – when I sit to think about it, those talks have made them strong and confident and not to feel awkward about expressing one’s thoughts.

Even though I’m not a great fan of group conversations, there is this place where I’m myself and I love the openness and fun there – my kind of girls group. Did I forget to mention it’s on Whatsapp and I’m loving it there ?? 😀  Even though I keep typing my thoughts, its great conversation to be there.

Of course, Facebook conversations work great for me with all the new found online friends – there is great exchange of thoughts and ideas and I love it totally.

Those conversations with the neighbor on the corridor…

The casual conversation with the older mamis in our apartment temple…

Those BBC kind of informative conversations with my house-help, Muthu…you know, I actually love the way she talks with me.  Yesterday, I discovered one of my sandals was missing which I had left it outside my flat.  When I told Muthu about it, she just went on and on about the various incidents on sandal / shoe stealing that has been happening in our apartments. I felt very naive about living in this apartment and knowing nothing about it, while she comes for a few hours and is up-to-date on the happenings here.

When I used to stay in Hyd, my best friend used to stay in the next block.  Even though we had an intercom to talk our heart out or a mobile to chat wherever we want, we were amused by our conversations over the balconies using sign language 😀  Also, all the evenings saw a few of us gather near the play area for a laughter-filled conversation session, which used to be our stress buster and feel lighter time.

When my best friend of college days traced my number and called me, I had one of the best conversations in life, with her. We just picked up from where we left decades ago. It was quite easy and the flow of words and topics, still matched amazingly.  That is one conversation to cherish for my lifetime.

This post on conversations can never be complete without the dining table conversations….aaahhh…with hot rasam and pappad, conversations at the dining table are the best.  All of us talking about our daily routines with lip smacking sounds in-between make it all the more memorable, on a day-to-day basis.

And finally, here is the picture which initiated the whole post.

IMG-20150630-WA0001If you look beyond the beauty of the room, you can find two happy people conversing as there is no tomorrow. The early morning birds chirping away at the background, the morning freshness of the garden around and a hot cup of coffee in hand made it all the more memorable. I don’t remember on what we spoke, but that happy conversation moment is etched in memory.  And I thank my daughter for capturing this moment for me.

So, what are your favorites ??

 

Microblog Mondays – Dressing up

Yup….you got it right ! It’s the dressing up season, what with the advent of the Tamil month Thai, weddings are happening just everywhere.

And I love our weddings where we get to meet all those aunties, uncles with their typical question – “Do you remember me??”  And I’ll be LOL-ing at that question, which repeats at every wedding !! 😀 😀

Of course, the most wonderful part of wedding is the dressing up.  To choose among the crispy kanjeevaram silk saris, the matching jewelry / accessories makes me all delighted and fills me with such josh.  The weekend was spent happily dressing up and attending a wedding. And I look forward to another one this week.

It’s such a happy time for me, dressing up 😀 😀

How about you ?? Do you like weddings and dressing up for them ?? 🙂

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Breaking that fear with resilience

I like to live life on a certain comfort level.  Study well, get into a good job, do the job honestly and sincerely used to be my mantra, when I was in College.  Going out of the line in a queue for life and career, was never my way.  But I excelled in whatever I did and I loved it, actually I was very satisfied with it.

Making huge amounts of money was never in my mind.  The only thing that mattered to me then was to get into Microsoft and work there.  Even though it still remains a distant dream, the distance has grown and my yearning to cross that distance has gone. No regrets.

This mantra which I held close to my heart formed due to personal experiences.  The word “Business” used to wreak havoc to my calm equilibrium of mind.  I’ve seen a family going in separate ways, because of the side-effects of one failed business.  Having seen the painful experiences during my teens made such an impact on me that I literally dreaded that word and everything associated with it.

And then I got married. Even though my husband was employed with a reputed MNC, his two elder brothers were doing their own business.  Even though it took me some time to warm up to the idea of businesses doing well, the wariness never left me.

My husband changed jobs a few times – we moved from place to place, but there was always something that he was looking for.  And when he felt that the present job will not offer him that, he started looking out for another one.  This kept on going for two decades. And still no sign of satisfaction.  There was only this tired dreary feeling that you need to do something worthwhile with this life on Earth.

That was the time he decided that he’ll be his own boss, from now on.  There’s no point in working for someone and not finding happiness.  By doing his own business, he’ll be happy from the beginning, however the results of the business turns out to be.

It was me who was in the fix.  I was scared of that word. I dreaded it.  The closet of fears kept knocking hard on me.  And I was scared to even touch the door.

But I wanted him to be happy in his career and start his own business. He said that I’ve to agree wholeheartedly to this new venture and that he cannot proceed without my consent.

I wanted to be healed big time of that tight ball of fear inside me.  I wanted him to go ahead and start the business soon. I needed all the positivity in this Earth to come to me and make me feel better.

There was this thought that if I don’t do this in my life now, then I won’t be able to do it any time. It’s now or never.  I don’t have second chances in life. This is the only life which I’ve, to live by my terms and make it a happier one.  And I am not going to allow some fears from the past to erode that happiness.

I started healing my mind from inside and many positive things started happening than I never even dreamt of !  The Universe gave me the strength to go forward and break open the closet of fears, thereby proving to myself that there’s nothing inside to be afraid of.  The affirmations and signs that I received to go forward with this new venture of ours, made me strong.  I started thinking of it as our business rather than his.

After all what great pleasure can it be for him to be his own boss…that’s a life worth living for him.  And in no way, I was going to sit there and let my fears overrule his joy and there by mine too.  I learnt to let go of many closet-fears that had stayed inside me because I allowed them all. Now, I learnt to break them all away.

I need to be happy and I want to see our business grow.  Other people’s perception of what I am is no longer important to me.

I am glad I learnt this lesson to break over my fear and life’s good now.  I am a free bird – no fears.  Let life throw me with any situation.  I am confident of enjoying the situation and growing from it.

Does the fear need to be broken only to perform great physical feats?
There are mental struggles which are mainly due to coiled up fears and that restrict a normal life from happening. Those fears also need to be broken for making a better life ! And my story is one of the latter.

This post was written for Indiblogger’s Rise above fear Campaign !

Microblog Mondays – That mushy me

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I am one silly romantic at heart.  I love watching those chick-flicks. I love those M&B kind of romantic stories. Only condition is happy ending 😀

Any movie ending, where the guy hugs the girl and kisses, is sure to bring tears to my eyes ! Yeah….I know its too much ! But the tears don’t stop coming yaar, what to do !!

Even when I watch repeat episodes of Castle, I love the way Castle and Kate look at each other or smile…it just melts me.

I am made that way – the mushy girl, deep inside. Flowers entice me, a soft touch and a warm hug are the best gifts in this Earth, according to me.

And both my girls are such a xerox copy of me in this.

Its Christmas time now….but love is in the air for me – always 😀

What about you ??

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