Let GO !

Let GO ! If you really want something in life, please let GO of it. If it is meant to be yours, it’ll come back to You !

Wow ! What a philosophy ! I think that the more attached we are towards people / things, it sure is going to cause a lot of pain. Because we want to love and be loved in our own way. By doing away with the possessiveness, we break the terms and conditions we attach to love. And when the person or the thing comes back to us, it is meant for us and will stay that way.

So, LET GO !!!!!

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Contentment in relationships

Having found the real YOU is the first step towards happiness.
(Pl refer the post – Find your qualities)

It is not only the first step but also the biggest step in the journey towards happiness. As you explore your own qualities, which you didn’t think you had in YOU, you become aware of your inner self more and more. You get to discover your ambiguities along with your positive spirit.

The hard challenge for you now, is to accept YOU as you have discovered yourself to be. Come to terms with your weaknesses and strengths. It is a difficult task and will take time, but take it slowly and get to know the real YOU.

What are relationships ? They are just like mirrors.
You show love and you get love back.
By showing anger, be sure to get it back.
Such a simple principle, isn’t it ?

Once you achieve the inner peace by accepting your strengths and weaknesses, it is easy to pass on the peace process to all our relationships. The more you share this strong side of you, as you build on your strengths, you’re encompassed in a sphere of love and positive spirit.

In other words, ACCEPTANCE BRINGS IN CONTENTMENT IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

Find your qualities !!!

Who are you ? What are your qualities ? Are you kind, passionate, rude, selfish, generous, social …. ? What makes up the whole YOU ????

Here’s a simple exercise to find out what kind of a person are you !!!!!!

  1. First, think of a person whom you like / admire and aspire to be like them.
  2. Identify those qualities of your role model, which has attracted you to that person.
  3. Write down each and every quality in a separate piece of paper.
  4. Put down all these in a bowl.
  1. Second, think of a person whom you detest / not fond of / dislike – whatever.
  2. Identify those qualities in that person, which has made you dislike him / her.
  3. Write all those in a separate pieces of paper.
  4. Put them all in a bowl.

Now, the qualities that are there in the bowl is YOU !!!!!

The things which you admire in your role model are those qualities in YOU, which you want to develop much further.

And those qualities which you dislike in a person are those things in YOU, which you don’t want to surface or fighting a inner battle.

Now, you know what kind of a person YOU are !!!!!

I hate these questions …..

Yesterday, I had been to the bank, to update my passbook. The man in the counter smiled at me and started making small talk with me. I didn’t mind the questions which were out of my personal sphere. Then came the – Is your husband working with ….. ? What is he, in that company ? Here I am, trying to answer those questions with all the patience in the world, while he was waiting for the printer to print my account details. I was praying for the printing to be done fast, as I know the next question that was to be thrown at my direction.

Madam, Do you work ? — Now, what kind of question is that ? I hate this question pointed at me. I get up at morning 5.15am, start packing my girls’ lunch boxes as they leave at 6.45am. Then comes an array of chores like breakfast for me and S, lunch box for S, laundry, buying things for the house, banking, baking (some days), handle the maid, evening snack for the hungry girls, dinner and the list is sometimes endless. I try and catch up with my favourite Nigella’s shows in between, if possible. While I slog around the house so much, I don’t take it kindly to answer that question – Do you Work ? Should I answer a NO, I don’t work – to this stupid question.

Just because he happened to be the person who helps me during long queues in the bank, I nodded my head both ways – up and down and side to side, totally confusing him. While he looked at me eagerly waiting for the answer, I took the passbook and escaped a verbal answer to him.

Are you employed somewhere ? sounds much better.

Another question that makes me really really irritable is – Are you a housewife ? I am totally angered by the way this society forms words in English – housewife???? grrrrrrr. To which I normally answer, I am a homemaker.

If you take up any application form in this country, there will be Name, Address. And under the heading Occupation, there will be options which has to be ticked. Options available are Employed, Housewife, Student, Others. When there is an option for employed, let the other option be Unemployed – Why degrade the 24*7 working women with a word like housewife ???? I generally choose the Others category and write Homemaker in the space provided.

If a man stays at home taking care of the house and kids, will he be branded as house husband ????? Maybe, yes, in India.

I prefer the stay-at-home Mom / Dad tag much much better than this stupid housewife thing which I am living with.

What are the questions which repel you from answering ? Do you get irritated like me ?????

Happiness Journey

As per my blogosphere friend’s request, here I am, blogging about the journey of Happiness through different stages of life – as understood from Dr Deepak Chopra.

Dr Deepak Chopra specialised in internal medicine and was practising in California, before he took up Ayurveda. Further, he started concentrating more on the mind – body connections and advocates self-awareness and meditation as primary factors in both illness and healing.

There is this show in NDTV Good Times called “Happiness – A Journey with Deepak Chopra” which greatly appealed to me. And, this show is aired on Mondays & Saturdays 7.30 pm IST. Generally, 7.30pm shows in NDTV GT are about yoga, meditation and the alternate methods for peace and health.

In this series, Dr DC talks about finding happiness in various aspects of life like – love, work, death etc. The thoughts shared were simple, yet carried a profound meaning to it. I’ll try my level best to remember Dr DC’s thoughts and write them down.

  • There can 101 ways to beat stress like meditation, swimming, yoga and many more. But the most powerful ones are those times spent with your friend / spouse / partner doing some activity, where MONEY is not involved. Play a game of tennis or badminton, walk a few miles – any activity with a buddy is sure a great stress buster. When money is not involved, it brings in great happiness to play with friends and hence greater relief from stress.
  • As Lord Krishna advocates in his Bhagvad Gita, an employee also should live the life of KARMA YOGI. It means that – Just keep doing the work about which you are passionate about, but don’t await the outcome of your work. If you love what you are doing, then the end result should never matter to you. Great musicians, artists have all created wonders – but never with the intention of selling and making money. If it happens later as a gradual process, then learn to accept it. But, the point is, Be passionate about your work, Work more passionately, Never think about the outcome. By living the life of Karma Yogi in the work place, the employee is totally satisfied – you can never find a more satisfied and happy human being at work.
  • The human body is made of matter, as are all the things in this earth. So, why do we think that the human body is destroyed after death ? Matter can never be destroyed. It just exists in different forms. By thinking that the person who died, is existing in this earth in some other form, will bring in some serenity to the mind. Its all in the mind – what you make your mind to think, is what you’ll feel later.
  • When two people meet and talk, each person starts to exist in the conscience of the other. This kind of communication through the conscience is very powerful and intent. It also helps in feeling the other person’s presence, even when they are not near us. This feeling is a great happiness contributor, when the other person meets with death.

Dr DC’s thoughts and expressions were many more, which I am having trouble in bringing them to memory. Once, I do it, I’ll be sure to write them also.

Finally, our happiness is within us. Nothing outside can affect this happiness within. We are responsible for our own happiness. How we react to situations, how we work passionately, how we treat our friends, how are we treated by our enemies – anything and everything should not affect our inner happiness.

I love being a MOM !

So, I’ve been tagged again, by Reflections. But this time, its something close to my heart and brings such warmth thinking about it, that I am feeling sad that I should write ONLY 5 things I love being a Mom. If I my list goes beyond 5, I am not responsible, its the motherly instincts that have taken over me. OK !

1. First of all, I am so proud being a Mom, as I had created two wonderful lives inside me and when I look upon them now, so grown up (my daughters are teenagers) and taller than me, sometimes I choke with tears.

2. When ever my S starts telling my girls about his childhood days, my daughters call me and ask “Really, Mom ? Is that so?” Even for my husband’s childhood stories (of which I was never a part of), the YES stamp has to come from me. When I point it out to them, they refuse to believe (even now, when they are little grown up) anything, without my nod. That kind of blind belief on me, makes me strive harder to be a better mother than what I am now.

3. The quiet afternoons on the bed, spent with my daughters, listening to their stories about friends, about their ideas of life, silly questions about sex, birth and my attempt at answering those without lying to them – those are such wonderful moments to die for. That is a time of realisation for me, on how much my daughters value my advice. I am absolutely delighted to be a part of their lives in moulding their careers, personality, behaviour – actually I am proud to be their MOM.

4. Those proud moments when my daughters gets appreciated in school for outstanding performance and when the teachers call us up and applaud for being gifted with such wonderful daughters – Oh! I am blessed to be a mother of these 2 girls.

5. When I am being credited for the creative skills which my daughter has inherited, I am elated. Sometimes, I can see that my daughters are desperately trying to do things the way I do. That is another proud moment to be a mother.

6. My life’s best award was given by my daughters, when they go ooh hoo aah haa over my cooking. My little one always says that I should have been a Chef at a 5 star hotel for the way I am cooking or I should start my Cooking Show (like Nigella Lawson). Imagine being placed on par with Nigella !!! My girls favourite slogan goes like – Taste mein best, Mummy aur ….. (whatever dish they are eating right then).

7. Those moments when the girls ask me to repeat their childhood stories – again and again and again – make me a proud mother, but we’ve never got bored with the stories. The best times are also when we look through our photo album when my girls were in diapers.

8. When I being tightly hugged by both my girls, kissed on the cheek and flowered with the title – Mom, you are the best ! This is one moment which cannot equate my entire life on earth.

I think this list might just be going on, as there are many more moments to share. But, since this is a tag, I stop here convinced that Motherhood is indeed the greatest pedestal to be, indeed.

My Lessons !

I’ve been learning a few things in the past few days, which have made me pause and take a different look at life. These insights into life, make us a better human being for tomorrow.

Lesson 1 :

No person or incident can make you less happy in life. The happiness factor depends upon – how you react to the incident or the person.

Scene – Early morning 6.45 at the breakfast table.

My girls are having milk and scrambled egg for breakfast. I am busy plaiting my daughter’s hair. At that time, I hear the horn of the school bus. OMG, the bus has come nearly 10 minutes early. My daughter, reacting to my frenzied pace, started gulping down her milk pretty fast. As I am requesting the bus driver to wait for my daughters, I hear my daughters plea to come and help her. Alas, the milk had spilled on her uniform.

Usual me – Start shouting at my girls for not being efficient in doing things, always being clumsy etc etc. My daughter will go to school with a grumpy face, which might affect her attentiveness at class. The screaming woman in me will be displayed to the hubby dear also, which can spoil his whole day at work.

The New Me – Because of my new learning, I faced the situation in a calm and peaceful way. I smiled at my daughter and said “Its OK, dear. It happens to us also. Don’t worry, I’ll ask the bus driver to wait for few more minutes while you change your uniform”. WOW, Wasn’t that easy ? My daughter will go to school with a big smile on her face. And more importantly, the happy woman in me is flashing the happy smile on my S too. Every body’s day goes off well and I am happy that I’ve been instrumental in that.

Just by reacting differently to the whole scenario, I made myself feel happy. So, its all inside us – how you react is how you’ll feel.

Lesson 2 :

Being grateful in life, for all that you have, is the secret to happiness in your life.

Scene – Prayer before bedtime, with my girls.

The regular questions which I face are – Is God hearing our prayers ? Can he understand, if I ask for an iPod, and give it to me ? How can he help in my studies, when I can’t see him ? And many more like this.

Usual me – Pray to God with a sincere heart and he’ll grant all your wishes. By encouraging my daughters, when they are asking for more and more things, I’ve enabled them to understand that the keyword is – keep asking but ask sincerely.

The New Me – The new order in my home is this – Prayers at bedtime are not meant for asking for things, instead they are for thanking God for all that he has given to us. I am insisting on my girls to list 3 things everyday, for which they are extremely thankful to God. Also, I make them write down those things. Eventually, they’ll come to understand that we have so many things to be happy about in life.

I hope that I am imparting a great lesson to my children to follow in their lives, for which I am grateful to God. By being grateful, I found the key to my happiness.