Quiet

The tree stands quiet and tall even when surrounded by cloud chatter!

I am in self-love mode. The situations and challenges of the past three years have enabled the self-love process. And I am so happy about it. Instead of being the “critical me” towards my actions and thoughts, I have become loving towards myself.
Getting into the practice of self-love was a huge task for me, initially. The moment I do some work, I switch to a self-criticism mode. I constantly look for faults and there is constant inner-chatter – “this is a wrong way of doing things” – “you need to do it at a faster pace” – “you used to do it better before” – “you are not doing with enough sincerity” – like this and many more!
For many years, I had succumbed to this chatter of self-criticism. The mind won’t rest and I was constantly stressed out, anxious about results – perfection was my goal, and this level of perfection was becoming unreachable!
When I consciously decided to accept myself for who I am and whatever I do, in whatever level of perfection, there was this deep sense of acceptance within me! But I took a lot of time to quieten the chatter in my mind.
My go-to methods to quieten the mind chatter and to strengthen my acceptance of myself were chanting and music. I joined a chanting class. Even though I am not continuing the class, the chanting continues – it is a part of my day where I work on quietening the chatter of the mind.
Listening to music reduced the mind chatter a lot. Choosing a playlist of songs that I enjoyed during my childhood days provided the much-needed quietude inside me!
Coloring, drawing mandalas also made me feel calm and relaxed and I always felt quieter, as I let the strokes cut through my mind chatter!

#hopewriterlife

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Microblog Mondays – Clicking the bud

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I know…
That the bud is lightly out of focus
But the leaves are beautiful
Glowing in the evening sun !

I never thought
That’ll be this difficult
To click a bud
In a gentle breeze !

Holding the branch
Did no good
As my hand came in focus 😉

Whenever I tried to click
The wind will know for sure
And move the bud out of my frame…sigh !

Just look at it…
The beautiful red among the green
Standing out
Yet no showing off…
And when it blooms
Oh ! What a sight it’ll be !

Small things bring us the biggest pleasure
Like this bud
Or my effort to click
Makes me smile
And I pass it on
To you…
So SMILE 🙂

—————————————————–Microblog_Mondays

Hopscotch

Yesterday
A hand came from the clouds
With a chit in hand
And just dropped it into my head
Vanished even before I could scream
On it was written “Hopscotch” !

Believe it or not
My thoughts have just revolved
Only around Hopscotch
The whole of yesterday !

hopscotchThe squares and numbers
And the pure joy of hopping
From one number to another
Sometimes with eyes closed
Or looking up to the sky
Oh ! I want to play it again !

I’ve walked that path many times
But yesterday I saw the lines and numbers
The eyes are seeing only what’s in the mind
And that’s the paper chit magic !

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And then I look up the sky
The cloud patterns amaze me again
But my mind wonders about
Doing hopscotch from one cloud
To another
And how much fun it would be !

Everywhere I see
Whatever I see
Only one thought
That is hopscotch !

I even had a dream
Of two lovely women
In long skirts
Playing hopscotch
With hair flying in the wind
Giving a damn to other things
Laughing with abandon
And loving the whole game !

And that’s my hopscotch magic day
The one which I wished
Never ended…

Musings from the heart

Mathematics was my fav subject
It still is…
I knew the tables upside down
And geometry was so much fun
Algebra, Trigonometry
Logarithms
Oh my !! I used to race them all
In solving the problems and all
I thought this was the world of genius
And I felt part of it
Thinking that this will take me ahead
I walked around with a proud head
I surely felt elated
My ego was suitably inflated
I used to feel like I knew it all
Till a decade back
I realized
That all those functions and theorems
Doesn’t have anything to do
With my present state of life !! Sigh !!

I went behind it too
To pursue it as my course
I jumped into logic
Binary and Hexadecimal
Coding with C++
Till one fine day
When I learnt that
Doing things without logic
Just on the intuition of the heart
Gives me more happiness
And joy !!

And in the process of loving a subject
I left out on many things
Which I would have loved to do
This certainly is not a regret phase
Its just thinking aloud
About not learning those other things
Which I am good at too !!

My dad used to swim well
I could have learnt swimming from him…
I did learn later
But with Dad it would’ve been great !

My mom cooks damn well
I could have learnt straight under her
Instead of learning from her through phone…

My patti was a great entrepreneur
She did so many things from home
It was her necessity
But I try to think of her ability
To manage business so well
Without a B-school degree !!

I could have learnt to sing better
To stitch better
To design clothes better
To do kolams better
To solve that crossword better
To paint better
To bake better
And…
I could have read more books
I could have traveled to places
Than be stuck in the same place !!

I never realized the art of writing
Was there inside me
Till the day I pushed myself
To become a blogger !!

This is just a blabber post
About people missing out
On their passionate stuff
And to realize their true self
The skills they have
With which they were born
We fail to look into ourselves
And see what we have !
We close our eyes
And jump into the sea of people
Who throng those colleges
Of professional courses !!
Without understanding what we are
It is difficult to study engineering
Or medicine or any course !!
Why not take time out to see
How we fare
Inside our hearts
Do we have a singing voice ?
An urge to play an instrument ?
Interested in stars ?
In reading palms ?
Helping out people ?
Talking to people ?
What are we inside ?
What do we like ?
Make a career out of that
And never feel a regret !!

Microblog Mondays : The cloud above my head :D

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There is this cloud
Right above my head !

I feel it following me
Here, there and everywhere…
Just like the little pug of Vodafone
I’ve this cloud, which is my boon 😀

It’s the dark rain cloud
Looks like its ready to burst
And splash on me
The cool waters it stored !

This cloud is between the sun and me
Thereby casts a shadow with a glee
So that I always walk in shade
The cruel sun’s rays I evade
What a wonderful way
To escape the hot slithering sun’s rays !
Oh ! Glory to that rainy cloud !

I caught my mind
And to imaginations, put a rein
Is this possible?
Is this true?
And then I tell myself
That miracles do happen
Console yourself
That cloud is there above
Giving you a shade filled with love 🙂

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Microblog_Mondays

Microblog Mondays : The resident Hardware stores

The summer’s heat is terrible
And AC is the only bible
For that husband of mine
As he sweats a lot with a whine
The cooling air will make it bearable !

We had an issue
Which I had to pursue
With the electrician
Who will come on the mission
So that the water leak from the AC will discontinue !!

I called him all day
So that he can check before its gray
But things happen their own way
He came when the light was astray !
Opened up the grill and jumped out
To check the leakage
And found the hose-pipe very brittle
But time was too little
To go buy a new pipe
And fix that leakage asap !

Suddenly, my man shouts
“Do you have an hose pipe?”
And I went a total rolling eye
Just like the icon, you see…
Hose pipe ? At home ?
Who runs a Hardware stores here ?
And my man starts grumbling
If this becomes alright
I can sleep in AC tonight
Ahhh ! What bliss it will be !!

And then I told him to wait
Took a chair and pulled a bag
From the loft
And there on top
Was a hose pipe
Which I had saved during my shifting
And the one that saved me a trip
To the Hardware stores.

The electrician did his job
Changed the pipe and was gone
All was set right with AC.
As my man was relaxing
In the cool air
He wonders
“How the hell did you have an hose pipe?”
Little did he knows, that I run
An electrical, hardware and a junk stall too
Which my loft will spew
As the situation falls through !

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Microblog_Mondays

A Sunday Summer Musing

Summer is here
And I think things are on a high
The heat for sure is one
And there are some
Which has to be felt
With eyes closed
And when the smells hit you
You smile
Its a Summer high !

The jasmines
Jackfruits
Mangoes sweet
And mangoes to pickle
Makes one spiral
To the heavenly abodes
Of heightened fragrances
To eat
And to feel
To relish
In the headiness
And this is the Summer I love !

The sweat levels are high
Blimey…I say with a sigh
Then I read all about
How good is sweat
To cool us during the heat
And I pacify the mind
That its this heat
Which brings those fragrant things
To life
And upon which depends
Right now, my life !

My selfie girl ;)

Did you wash your face?, asks daddy
And vehemently she nods her head, “Aye”
You look dull and tired, says he
But I just used a face-wash, says she…
Its a never ending conversation, thinks me !

Did you put cream?, asks daddy
Oh yeah…lots of it, assures she
Then why is it that you look so famished
That’s my natural skin, says a defensive she
I know where its going, confirms my silly smile !

Oh !! BTW, did you put powder?, asks daddy
That ought to help to brighten thee
Oh no…please stop daddy…
This is my natural skin, please
See, I told you…says me 😀

And then she huffs and puffs to the balcony
To free from questions of the hallway
The breeze does the trick
And she gets ready to click
Of herself, to prove the skin lovely !

The selfie shots begin
The smile ever so brilliant
The joy catching up to the eyes
Making her glow
With infectious effervescence
The hair framing her face
And she makes funny faces
Its an overload on the SD card
Of multiple pictures
Thronging on single moment
Yet
Its beautiful
That capture
For future
The happiness stored
Is a joy forever
Oh my darling !! How I treasure
Your heart full of pleasure
Of a simple selfie click ❤

One more rambling post :D

Everytime India plays
A cricket match
There’s bound to be moments
For people like me
Who are more interested
In observing
And recording
What’s going on around me…
Rather than watching the match
Glued to the screen.
That part is done by the man
To perfection 😀

And I get moments to write
Or blabber in my own way
On things happened
Or is going on
In my head full of thoughts
Which I need to sort out
And find relevant ones
That fit into this post
Oh my !! I’m getting addicted
To writing like this 😀

Recently it was my MIL’s bday
And I couldn’t stop myself
When I wrote this for her…
It’s tamizh
Our mother tongue
And I’m glad that she approved !

Virat’s brilliant catch
Proves he is the game changer
But of course we alternate
With some Sarath Kumar movie
As dishoom dishoom always is a fav
At Star Sports, its the bat and ball
At KTV its the bad men Vs Super good hero !!

The daughter catches a nap
When woken, she assures
That she is watching the match 😀
While the other one
Is studying so hard
For the final exams
That’s going on !

Its the summer heat
That’s draining the energy
Making us all feel beat
Even during mornings !!
And so we cling to
Curd Curd and more Curd
Buttermilk is super fine
But for me to be satisfied
I need the maavadu
Assurance is from me
No one can stop with just one !!

The Summer is another reason
For clear and blue sky
Which disappoint me
Morning and Evening
As I strain to catch the sun’s reflection
Through my balcony with grills…sigh, its true…
In the clouds
But its summer…
Now, I need to wait for cloudy days
To catch a brilliant hued sky !

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My MIL’s bday msg – am actually feeling good to get a grip with tamizh back again 🙂

இந்த உலகிற்கு
நீங்கள் வந்த நாளை
கொண்டாடுகிறோம் !
மகிழ்கிறோம் !
அன்று…உங்கள் வரவால்
மகிழ்ந்தனர் பலர்…
இன்று உங்கள் நிழலாய்
நாங்கள் பெருமிதம் கொள்கிறோம் !
பிறந்து, வளர்ந்து, மணமுடித்து
பிள்ளை பேறு பெற்று
அன்பால் அனைவரையும் பிணைத்து
பெரு நகரம் தன்னில் வலம் வந்து
பொறுமையின் சிகரமாய் நின்று
நீங்கள் செய்த நல்லறம் யாவும்
எங்களை மெய் சிலிர்க்க செய்யும் !
அந்த மௌனம் கலந்த மனோ தைரியம்
எங்களை வழி நடத்தி செய்யும் மிகப்பெரிய பாடம் !
வாழ்த்துங்கள்
வணங்குகிறோம் !
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Maavadu – tender small mangoes pickled with salt and mustard.

Day 29 – Awwww moments 2

I started this crazy month of ramblings with a story about my little one and I’m ending the same talking about her.  Yes, this is the 29th post for the month of February and I’m so happy to have done this for my blog. I’ve made it alive 😀

I just met her this weekend. And she is a joy to be with – her instant smiles and hugs were surely a welcome break than the monotony of life.  It really is. Its only when I’m away from it do I realize it.

  • When she was about 5 or 6 years, she used to call her peripa (her dad’s elder brother) as Hong Kong. We just didn’t know what made her call him like that. But she loved calling him like that and then show her brilliant smile and vanish. Now, when she is so embarrassed about that name calling, he keeps calling her with that name to tease her. It’s so lovely watching them making fun of the childhood name calling.
  • Even when she was a little kid, she used to be very different about her ideas and held onto them stubbornly. And sometimes, she doesn’t wanted us to guess what idea is being formed in her head. So, she’ll cover her eyes and bend down and shout “Dont read my mind” 😀 😀   (as if we couldn’t find about it otherwise 😉  )
  • When we were in Hyderabad, I used to have a lady S who comes over to make chapattis and help with the household work too. And whenever she is making the chapattis, my little one will go and stand with her and talk to her. And much later, after shifting to Chennai, she tells me that she even learnt to make chapattis from S.  And during those times in Hyderabad, S will make for her tiny button sized chapattis to snack on.  Now, I go Awww thinking about what a people’s person my little one has been.
  • When she was in her Higher Secondary, she needed to travel by the local train to reach her school. And of course, she had the train pass for her travel. But everyday morning, she’ll keep a 10/- note and a few change for one old lady and one old man who stand on the way to the railway station.  She just cannot pass by them, without giving them the money. She used to tell “I want to help such people Ma”.
  • The train is a great place to make friends. While she was travelling one day, there were a lot of transgender people asking for money. And my little one was very scared of them then.  So, she kept the money ready in her hand.  But when those people came near her, they refused to take money from students, citing that “I’ve also studied M.Com and I don’t want money from students”.  My daughter was so stunned and then came home to another session “Ma, I’ve a doubt on transgender”.
  • And with all her doubts on this thing and that thing, I’m very happy that she always came to me with it. She’s one hell of a curious cat and she has never hesitated to come to me with her share of questions, starting from “Why this maid is doing like this?” to “You know why this happened in Fifty shades of grey, right??”   –  Yeah, that’s her 😀
  • She went swimming and banged her face on the pool wall and broke her front tooth. For a long time, she was with one half-broken tooth in the front row. She used to hesitate so much to give a full smile for pictures. And then over time, she got over it – crooked teeth or what, I’ll smile my brilliant way. That’s my girl!
  • It was a rainy evening in Hyderabad. And the girls were playing down while I was finishing the dinner cooking. Suddenly elder one comes running telling that the younger one has fallen down. I went crazy. More than acting calm, my mind was rushing with images and my heart was pounding. She and her friends had tried cycling over a car drive-way slope and because of the rains the break was slippery and she lost balance and had fallen down. Luckily she was not hurt badly but she was crying. She should be about 10 or 11 years old and quite tall for her age.  And when I realized that her leg was swollen little bit, I just carried her from the car park to home. I didn’t know from where I got the strength to carry her like that.  All through, she was telling me the same thing “How come you’re carrying me Ma?”  I amazed myself that day and she went Awww over me J
  • She loves to sit on the kitchen top and keep dragging me into her hug, which I miss so terribly these days.
  • The way she updates me about whats happening in her friends circle and what they are doing, how she is patching up with old friends, how she has matured enough to forgive her friends for what they did long time back – I love gossip sessions with her.
  • The way she cuddles and talks stories with her pattis is something special.
  • She’s the youngest of all the cousins in the paternal side and everyone still treats her like a tiny kid. No one even wants to believe that she is in college on her own…ha ha 😀 But she takes in all those things with a smile and emanates the power of self-confidence and the ability to do things all by herself. I’m just so proud of her ❤

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