Day 3 – When the elder one tugged my heart

One fine day, I was 24 and had got married. And then I remembered myself again, when I was 26, but with two little kids…sigh, I don’t remember much of those two years and how I went on to become a mother and in such hurry too !!

Anyway, there is this incident which is etched in memory.  This incident still reflects in my elder one’s statements and questions and I feel responsible for that.  I don’t know if it was a glitch in my mothering but somehow this incident tugs my heart.

It was in July 1997. Elder one was 1.5 years and my due date for the second one was in August. I had a scheduled appointment with my gynecologist, as I was feeling tremendous pressure and a feeling of bursting out in my lower stomach and so I wanted to get it checked.

So, I told the elder one that I was going to the doctor and will be back by evening and that patti will be with her till I get back. She nodded her head, hugged me, kissed me as I felt overwhelmed with love.

But the moment the doc checked me, she said that I needed to get admitted immediately as I need to rest myself. The baby had not gained enough weight and she wanted to keep me under observation in the hospital. I tried telling her that I’ll go home and come back the next day, but the doc refused. I was feeling bad about not telling the elder one about the stay in the hospital. She’ll be expecting me at home and I was feeling terrible about leaving my little one with my mom.

The next day she came to the hospital to see me.

She came everyday to see me. The little one came into our lives in August. She came to see the little one and play with her too.

But she never spoke to me. I was heart-broken. I didn’t know how to deal with it. She’ll come running into the room and again run outside. I couldn’t run behind her. One whole month of hospitalization made me go through hell of not being able to cuddle my elder one, as she was feeling upset about not having me at home.

When I went home with the little one, elder one met me with all smiles on her face. She hugged me so tight in a way of telling me that she didn’t want to leave me. I was in tears. She had missed me at home. She didn’t want to see me in the hospital – a strange place for her. And she had never left my side for a long time. When we walk together, she holds onto my elbow even now.  She does it without even realizing that she is doing it !

And now when she’s all grown up and all, as I leave for work, I face this question every time – “Ma, when will you be back home?”  And her words tug at my heart !