Imperfect women and Perfect men huh ??

I got this as a Whatsapp forward; you may have read it somewhere too…

Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam:
“When I was a kid, my Mom cooked food for us.
One night in particular when she had made dinner after a long hard day’s work, Mom placed a plate of subzi and extremely burnt roti in front of my Dad.
I was waiting to see if anyone noticed the burnt roti.
But Dad just ate his roti and asked me how my day was at school.
I don’t remember what I told him that night, but I do remember I heard Mom apologising to Dad for the burnt roti when she noticed.
And I’ll never forget what he said: “Honey, I enjoyed what you made.”
Later that night, when I went to say good night to my father, I asked him if he really liked his roti burnt.
He wrapped me in his arms & said:
“Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she was really tired.
And besides… A burnt roti never hurts anyone but unpleasant words do!”
He continued:
“You know son – life is full of imperfect things…& imperfect people…including me and we all make mistakes.”
What I’ve learnt is :
Accept Each Others Faults and imperfections & Choose To Celebrate the Relationships we have.”

I was going Awwww and how we should respect others and not worry too much about imperfections.  Here is a man, who lived by example to show Dr APJ, on the morals of humanity.

Burnt rotis are not personal affirmations to imperfection.  It just happened on a particular day.  And to throw a tantrum just for that would’ve been a shame.

And then I happened to meet a neighbor, who came home to buy some chapatis.  I tried to hide the overflowing clothes on the sofa, which were plying high and in need of folding. She said not to worry and she loved homes which are a messy and natural, how a home should be. At her place, no thing can be placed in the wrong place or clothes left out for long – everything is prim and proper and perfect because that is how her husband likes it !!  I was too shocked for words…

Come on, everyone likes a clean house, but too much of restriction to maintain one doesn’t help in the long run.

And the talk drifted, as usual to food – that is our business, you see 🙂

I was shocked and gaping with open mouth, at how happily she was explaining her husband’s high handedness, related to cooking and other general stuff at home.

Gravies cannot have onions – he doesn’t like it.
Egg plant needs to be fried nicely on all sides – if any part is left less fried, he points it out and tells her that she needs to be more generous with oil !!
Dinner should be served at 7 at any cost – no excuses !!
While her sisters-in-law can visit them anytime, they still pull a cross face when she wants to visit her parents !!

OMG !! Stop it, I said. But she seems to have taken it quite easily, without any resistance, while I would’ve fought tooth and nail for my individual preferences.

So, what do they think ?? That he, the husband, is perfect and the wife needs to mend her ways and keep adjusting to what all he says and does.  And these are people, who are married for at least, 20 years (judging by the age of their daughter).  So, she has adjusted and mended her ways and never thought of her own way of doing things – her own way of running a household – her own way of making her house beautiful  !

My point is not that women should not be homemakers and all. But the choice to be a homemaker should be theirs.  And running a household needs every one of the family to participate and not one woman running behind the needs of every individual in the family.

There are some families who live by this and everyone is happy among imperfections.

And then there are others and every time I meet one of them, I am shocked at the difference in their thinking that women are imperfect and only men are perfect !!


14 Replies to “Imperfect women and Perfect men huh ??”

    1. Yeah Shilpa…I find it sad that these women have taken to it so easily and accept it as part and parcel of life. They do not have anything that is “ME” !!


  1. Er, that sounds like an abusive relationship and an extremely controlling one. I have a client where the father used to be that way — everything had to be perfect, they all had to wear designer clothes, dinner had to be on the table at 6 sharp, and if anything was not done his way, he would have a fit of anger and has even hit them. I’d like to know how your neighbour’s husband reacts when something is not done his way — does he yell at her, call her names, hit her? Because if so, it’s domestic violence.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for visiting my space 🙂

      I seriously don’t know how he reacts to situations when things don’t happen as per his wish. Must talk with her.
      But many women have accepted it as a matter of fact and they find women like us the more freaky ones !!


  2. ‘A burnt roti never hurts anyone but unpleasant words do!’ Yes!

    Many households in our country, well I don’t know about other countries…are like this, even though the woman also goes out for work. She should take care of the house, whole house, but he will come home and expect coffee to be given in his hand.

    I too don’t like ‘spic and span’ houses. House should be like a house, not a hospital.

    Very nice post, Uma!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Sandhya 🙂

      ha ha…so true….house should not resemble a hospital !!
      You know what, thats where I feel the hypocrisy in our systems. They want the money and comforts which a working woman brings in at the same time, she just cannot take rest like the men do after work…


  3. Does the husband throw a tantrum when things are not as he likes? Does he points out by being abusive – shouting, criticizing, saying nasty things, hurting the person ? If yes then it is abuse, if not then I guess to me, it is a perfect maid master relationship and not a husband wife relationship.
    Personally, I am not okay with it but I if the woman is happy then who cares …

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Uma, I do agree with every point in this post, but one thing bothers me a bit about the Kalam story – the patronizing attitude of the father. Why should there be an excuse of “she had worked so hard” for a burnt roti? Rotis burn. Milk boils over. S$%# happens, TO everyone, and at all times. I don’t think we need to hide behind “have had a hard day” excuse, if any, it feels like an attempt to justify just existing in a naturally unpredictable world. No justification needed. And no judging.
    But then, I am nitpicking. I totally agree with the sentiment that burnt rotis don’t hurt, harsh words do. And I also agree that your neighbour’s husband is a jerk, and she should not make herself a doormat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Agree…all those things happen naturally. But here is a society who ill treats women for such things. Among such people, that father stood out. Thats the point.


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