Breaking that fear with resilience

I like to live life on a certain comfort level.  Study well, get into a good job, do the job honestly and sincerely used to be my mantra, when I was in College.  Going out of the line in a queue for life and career, was never my way.  But I excelled in whatever I did and I loved it, actually I was very satisfied with it.

Making huge amounts of money was never in my mind.  The only thing that mattered to me then was to get into Microsoft and work there.  Even though it still remains a distant dream, the distance has grown and my yearning to cross that distance has gone. No regrets.

This mantra which I held close to my heart formed due to personal experiences.  The word “Business” used to wreak havoc to my calm equilibrium of mind.  I’ve seen a family going in separate ways, because of the side-effects of one failed business.  Having seen the painful experiences during my teens made such an impact on me that I literally dreaded that word and everything associated with it.

And then I got married. Even though my husband was employed with a reputed MNC, his two elder brothers were doing their own business.  Even though it took me some time to warm up to the idea of businesses doing well, the wariness never left me.

My husband changed jobs a few times – we moved from place to place, but there was always something that he was looking for.  And when he felt that the present job will not offer him that, he started looking out for another one.  This kept on going for two decades. And still no sign of satisfaction.  There was only this tired dreary feeling that you need to do something worthwhile with this life on Earth.

That was the time he decided that he’ll be his own boss, from now on.  There’s no point in working for someone and not finding happiness.  By doing his own business, he’ll be happy from the beginning, however the results of the business turns out to be.

It was me who was in the fix.  I was scared of that word. I dreaded it.  The closet of fears kept knocking hard on me.  And I was scared to even touch the door.

But I wanted him to be happy in his career and start his own business. He said that I’ve to agree wholeheartedly to this new venture and that he cannot proceed without my consent.

I wanted to be healed big time of that tight ball of fear inside me.  I wanted him to go ahead and start the business soon. I needed all the positivity in this Earth to come to me and make me feel better.

There was this thought that if I don’t do this in my life now, then I won’t be able to do it any time. It’s now or never.  I don’t have second chances in life. This is the only life which I’ve, to live by my terms and make it a happier one.  And I am not going to allow some fears from the past to erode that happiness.

I started healing my mind from inside and many positive things started happening than I never even dreamt of !  The Universe gave me the strength to go forward and break open the closet of fears, thereby proving to myself that there’s nothing inside to be afraid of.  The affirmations and signs that I received to go forward with this new venture of ours, made me strong.  I started thinking of it as our business rather than his.

After all what great pleasure can it be for him to be his own boss…that’s a life worth living for him.  And in no way, I was going to sit there and let my fears overrule his joy and there by mine too.  I learnt to let go of many closet-fears that had stayed inside me because I allowed them all. Now, I learnt to break them all away.

I need to be happy and I want to see our business grow.  Other people’s perception of what I am is no longer important to me.

I am glad I learnt this lesson to break over my fear and life’s good now.  I am a free bird – no fears.  Let life throw me with any situation.  I am confident of enjoying the situation and growing from it.

Does the fear need to be broken only to perform great physical feats?
There are mental struggles which are mainly due to coiled up fears and that restrict a normal life from happening. Those fears also need to be broken for making a better life ! And my story is one of the latter.

This post was written for Indiblogger’s Rise above fear Campaign !

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About UmaS

A Stay At Home Mom trying desperately to make a difference, in whatever I do !!!
This entry was posted in Word Challenges and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Breaking that fear with resilience

  1. Bindu says:

    Loved this Uma! Going through a similar angst big time. Hope I’ll break free sooner than later 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Sandhya says:

    You have done it, Uma! The initial stage is over and now you are settled! Take care and all the best!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. LG says:

    Good for you. Inspirational.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. trustandtrustagain says:

    Wow! Can so relate to this Uma! I am at such a place now and need to break out of the self limiting shackles… doing it slowly… Hugs!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. pixie says:

    you are so brave!! hugs!
    I have something similar in mind – maybe after coming back? Though not cooking – but being my own boss.. it sounds fruitful.

    Liked by 1 person

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