The Eternal Question

I worked so hard all my life, to make relationships but looks like every relation has failed to work, when I need it the most.

I realize today that money doesn’t maketh a man, but I guess the realization doesn’t help in any way.

It’s always been love that the world has gone after, but now I don’t know why I don’t deserve such love.

Who am I ???

What am I doing in this old age home ???

Is this the kind of life God asked me to live ???

To chew on my life that has gone past, is certainly going to stain my heart. I just pray that there is healing in the process.

It was those days of getting married in the late teens and I was no exception.  I was full of optimism and happiness as I stepped into my husband’s home, only to fall flat to the irony that I am not his first wife.

I struggled to keep my jewels which my mother gave me, but it was all in vain.  But I thank God, at this moment that there are no children, as that would make my decision to leave him, harder.

Leaving him was not so difficult, as I felt that I’ve touched hell in those few years of life together with him. After he took away all the jewels and money, there was no need for him to even visit me.  I feel that freedom from this man was what I want.

It was my eldest brother who came as a pillar of strength to my weakened body and mind. He took me in his house, helped me re-build my life from the fragments which I’ve left before getting married. The education was one main fragment which I held onto tightly, as I felt that education is the thing that I want. I studied Teacher training and started work in a nearby school.

To keep me diverted from the disturbing images of marriage I carry with me all the time, my brother started giving me more responsibilities at home.  Slowly and steadily I became attached to my brother’s son, who was a baby at that time and actually considered him as my own son. He was also so loving and even called me “Amma”.

There was only one thing that was predominant in my thinking – I need to save money for my future needs and also for this loving son. Money was my priority and what I earned was invested well, with the knowledgeable brother over-looking financial commitments.   I felt I was at a place filled with love and to call it home, at last.

As years passed by, I saved quite a lot of money from the salary I was earning.  I even stunned myself by accumulating gold.  I felt so satisfied with my achievements that day,  after I lost all my jewels, years back.

There were good and bad moments during the subsequent years, but the worst time was when my beloved brother passed away, leaving me and his wife to the care of his sons.

It was traumatic for me and my brother’s wife, to suddenly find the sons to be caretakers of the money and house which my brother has left behind, than taking care of us.  At this moment, I wish that I had a son for myself.  I see myself changing in my perceptions towards life.

In another 10 years, I’ll see a centenary, but the realizations of the past year, in an old age home has been tremendous.

Yes, I’ve money which I saved for my future. I thought that money will see me through tough times.  But what I failed to see was that I’ll be made to walk those tough times alone.   The children are more interested in the money I’ve, than knowing about my health and welfare.

It’s actually love that I’ve longed for, from the day I got married.  But gave it a different name during each and every stage of my life.  And its love that I want the most today, but I guess that I can get it only from the Supreme Power, when he wishes to take me with Him.

I long for a loving person to talk to me.

I yearn for a loving smile and hug.

I wait for a meal to be served with love.

I need people around me.

I want them to care for me, when I fall sick.

I live in the best of the homes, but I am all alone in this old age home.   People around me are like me, so they understand the value of love. Each one of us lend a helping hand to others here. But can it equate the love I long for, from the loved ones of my family ???

How funny life has changed me !!! The perceptions of my younger days don’t match with my present days.

The person inside me who thought that money was the most important thing, which can see me through old age has been pushed to a corner in my heart.  Because the heart has become vacant longing for love.

My eternal question goes on – Money or love ???

—————

Inspired by a true life situation.

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19 Replies to “The Eternal Question”

  1. There is so much heartfelt emotion in this post 😦
    And I know what you are talking about because I have met similar characters in old age homes and it made me wonder at the twists and turns of life. Who is to blame here?? Do we blame the parents for inculcating a set of values in the kids that made them value money more? Or do we blame the society for being in the times we are? Or do we blame the kids for turning out the way they did?

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    1. I am totally torn inside Ash…. 😦

      Even we are to be blamed for making money look more important and comforts more valuable than love. The whole situation depressed me… 😦

      But I was glad to be able to rant it out here….

      Like

  2. Felt like crying, Uma! This is happening in most of the homes nowadays, whether you have children or not. All are busy and we can’t blame anyone. We have to accept life as it comes, though it is not easy!

    If we have got siblings…sister esp. who might be there for at least to talk to or fight with! Now, we have got one or two children, mostly one. It will be more difficult for them in their old age. And they will be made to take care of two sets of parents in their old age…God help them.

    Very well written article, as usual, Uma! I missed you!

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    1. I actually did cry, Sandhya. Its terrible to see her now like this, after seeing her so vibrant in life, working hard for the whole family.

      I agree…sisters / siblings might help – but not always.

      I missed my space too….and all you people.

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  3. This is so sad. I use to go to old age home sometimes to work help. I have heard similar stories that made me cry. Thats one of the reason I dont go now, I get hyper ..anyway

    We need love for sure but in this cruel world love also does not come free. Its a catch 22 situation but in my little experience I feel love is very important but money too. If you dont have money no one wants to talk to you.

    But somewhere I still beleive in love.. I am old school.

    Lots of things are to be blamed we depend too much on kids they shud be asked ar 16 to go and make there living maybe they will turn to be good humans.

    We give too much emphasis to society which agin is silly as when ha society ever dont a good thing.

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  4. This is a sad reality today, Uma and it’s an area I long to do something in…Sometimes I feel living in an old people’s home isn’t as bad as being left all alone to fend for oneself in a big city like Mumbai. Somewhere we’ve lost our consciences and respect for our elders….

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  5. Well written touching post. The world has become too materialistic and people so selfish that situations like this are becoming so common and rampant. Ultimately it is the money which has brought comfort to this lady in the story.

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  6. when I seen the title in my feeds.. the first thought came was ‘Whether its possible to blog regularly after a break’ 🙂 but after reading the post I am sad 😦

    We run behind money when the most needed thing is love and when we realize it, all we have is heart full of longing 😦 😦 hope we are more sensible and give importance to what is really needed.

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  7. Heartrending is all I can say….

    But I’m surprised….if she’s got money & if the kids are after her money then how come they put her in the old age home????
    But its only In India old age homes are considered like a dirty word…llike a place which is used to abandon old people in. Honestly I think she is better off where she is otherwise just imagine her plight if she was staying in her house & the people arnd her didnt care for her welfare after everything she has done for them.

    I keep telling my husband tht after a certain age we’ll book ourselves into a old age home or retirement home[as its now called] coz i dont want us to be a burden on anybody.

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  8. Oh money definitely….love is an overrated emotion in this world :-S

    Good to see u back Uma…or is this just a one-off post ;-/
    I was just complaining to Swaram about how blogworld wears a deserted look nowdays with everybody away 😦

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    1. I just feel so much to be blogging regularly….but I need to finish the commitment I made to myself…so, lets see if this is a one-off post or will any incident inspire me to write more.

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  9. A reality which we can not escape!!!! or may be we can…but how? Human beings have become so money minded that everything else take a back seat, even emotions & relations!

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  10. Welcome back uma..this is totally moving!! Most saddest thing in the world is when we have all the money, but no one to sit beside us and give us their love and affection..that’s terrible!

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