Posted on by UmaS

Perspectives need to change for the better.

Yesterday, I was watching a tamil movie – Suryavamsam. And its exactly the same Suryavamsh with Big B !!!

I’ve watched it many a times before and thought about this also. And so I am sharing my thots here.

The son of the Village Chief, doesnt like to study. And since he beat his teacher, the Father made him stop school. All he does is do odd jobs around the house.  But he likes a girl, who is nice to him, which makes her special in his heart.  And so, his mother, tells his father that we need to get them married.

While the father objects that the girl’s life will be spoiled, if married to this illiterate….the mother thinks that the marriage will turn him for the good. (Watch from 2.00 to 3.00 in that clip – which is where this decision is taken, without even consulting with that girl !!)

Isn’t this the reason for all problems ???? If only a woman can bring about changes in a man, then what does he have a brain for ???

If a man is lazy, not employed, eating in his father’s money, not gone to a school – whatever he is lacking as a person, everything needs a woman to be corrected. How idiotic !!!  Doesnt he have a mind of his own to think that he needs to do well in life ????  And should that woman get married to this lazy bum and make him a business magnate or what ????

There can be consultations with each other in a relationship. The wife or the husband can support the other by giving in their views for different situations. But the decision to do something, should be taken by that individual.

And there are others in the other side of the line. Those people feel that their son’s life is lost and made into a living hell, because of his wife. Why did the son allow such a thing to happen to his life ??? Why was he keeping quiet when he was being over-ruled ????

Either of the situations are bad with respect to relationships and is only going to spoil it even more. One person will become too much dependent on the other – both emotionally and physically. And that will be the base of unwanted obsession, which can kill a relationship.

These kind of perspectives need to change !!!

35 Replies to “Perspectives need to change for the better.”

  2. I read once somewhere “A woman who thinks she can change a man, is living in a fool’s paradise” 😉 and I swear by it 🙂
    So very true Monu…..

    On the serious note this unfortunately happens all the time, one of my uncle who gave up his studies in 10th and grew up to play lot of cards was married thinking everything will become all right post marriage… needless to say the wife is struggling with two kids and working more than she can to sustain the house
    These are the senseless decisions, which the elders make !! Even I’ve seen that so many men – addicts to all wrong things – getting married. And the job of rehabilitation falls on the wife’s head !!! And she’s totally clueless, most of the times, on whats going to fall on her head. Her dreams are squashed and she is buried under her husband’s addictions.

    this is still better, sometimes love does change people I have seen that happening with a man and touchwood the couple is living happily now what gets on my nerves is the time when people try to do that with mental imbalanced people not considering that its an illness and saying shaadi ke baad sab theek ho jaayega
    Thats really sad na….to spoil a girl’s life with a mentally imbalanced guy….I hate such ppl who make stupid decisions like these and play with the life of a girl.

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    1. even the other round marrying a mentally imbalanced girl without thinking she’ll be fine… we indians see marriage and kids as a solution to just about everything and forget that its a relation which needs much dedication and work and love

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      2. Thats a stupid situation we have forced ourselves to be, just becos somewhere and for someone, marriage worked wonders.

        I agree, even the other way around, is wrong !!! Why knowingly spoil someone’s life ????

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    1. That list is just chumma list….many ppl I add there, are going on a blog break….so I’ve stopped adding ppl in there….U are there perfectly in my Reader, which is my bible. 🙂 🙂

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  5. I’m so glad somebody brought this up!!
    I had to do it, after watching that movie for the nth time.

    I’ve seen this totally idiotic mentality a lot in the movies….AND in people too!! I mean what are people thinking!! REALLY! 😐
    Exactly, and when ppl follow these movies like they are the ultimate truth – they better make sensible movies.

    The guy can be a lazy useless loser, (and a womaniser or drunkard) and they expect him to get better because he gets married. Woe is for the poor girl who gets sucked into this incredibly dumb thought process. Rather I see it as a final resort by the parents to dump the responsibility of the guy onto someone else.
    And why should the guy be someone’s else responsibility ???? First his mother’s then his wife’s ???? Thats ridiculous.

    While I agree that having a strong partner who supports the other in case the other is a little indecisive will work in bringing a balance to the relationship …. this is kind highly balanced…bad-boy-turned-good-because-of-marriage-to-good-girl theory is nuts!! 😐 Whoever thinks so deserve a nice shaking till their teeth rattle and a few smacks on the head!! 😡

    That theory is certain to take the relationship to the bin, acc to me…

    P.S.: Why do we see so less of bad girl turned good coz of marriage thanks to decent guy?? Huh? 🙄
    Girls are always GOOD, Ash….. 😀 😀

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  7. By the way…. since you said girls are always good….

    Have you watched Tanu Weds Manu? The movie by itself is nothing great….although it recreated the Delhi belly wedding atmosphere effectively….

    Here the guy is shown as a quiet, decent, hardworking sincere person…. and the girl is loud, boisterous, alcoholic, commitment phobe…. I love the way they had turned it around on its head 🙂

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  9. on a more refreshing note…a colleague of mine when wanting to marry her sweet heart was asked very categorically by her future father in law whether she was sure she wanted to marry his lazy good for nothing annoying son! not once but many times over 🙂

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  12. Ah! A topic close to my heart!! You are so right!! Perspectives need to change!
    Why is it a woman’s burden??
    No one can change unless they want to!
    I have seen many of my relatives being married off like this! And the women are suffering or have suffered… there is no respect and the kids are screwed up!!

    So many Kannada movies have this story line! it’s irritating!

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  13. This is the singlemost horrible dialogue that comes by in every marriage-related talk.
    Is he irresponsible? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.
    Is he a womaniser? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.
    Is he a drunkard? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.
    Is he a horrible human being? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.
    Is he incapable of anything in life? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.
    Is he mentally unstable? When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.

    And I personally know a few girls who had to spoil their lives because the groom’s family thought “When a girl enters his life, it will set everything right.” and kept the concern hushed up till after the wedding. Of course: this happens the other way round too, I must say!

    If there’s a problem with a person, they and they alone should take the initiative to help themselves out. A complete stranger of a woman or man CANNOT “set things right”. And marriage is not an institution that “sets things right”!
    For god’s sake!!

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  15. totally agree , this is still ok when compared to people who think if there is something wrong with there son even mentally, they should get him married , that would change him.. How stpid can that be…

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  17. Ah… an old as the hills yet amazingly relevant tangent.
    You can’t change change someone, if you know what I mean. We only humour ourselves.
    Very interesting post Uma. 😀

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