Rant time

Yeah, I know all that happens is for a reason,

So, Why am I ???

It’s best to find happiness wherever you go,

So, Why am I ???

All that you wish cannot be happening, at the time u wish,

So, Why am I ???

And always you are uprooted from the place you love the most,

So, Why am I ???

When you have just begun to enjoy your life, everything crumbles around you,

So, Why am I sulking ???

When you really really wish for something, the whole universe conspires to give it to you, said the Alchemist. Am I right ???  But now, I see the Universe keeping quiet and watching me !!!!

Is it because that I should earn (deserve)  it also, as the Bournville ad says !!!

Then, aren’t the two contradicting each other ???

See, we, as a family, have always been on the move and we loved it. We loved going to new places and meeting new people and adapting ourselves to the new place, so comfortably. It was in us – the expectation to move and see new places.

But, I think all those expectations to shift, were chucked out of our brains, when we moved into our own home, in Hyderabad. It was a dream come true for me and of course, every one of us.  We were crazily attached to our new home, as against the law of detachment towards materialistic things – becos they are bound to make you sad. And that’s what happened, when we were suddenly on the verge of a crashing dream and we are to fall into the frying pans of Chennai – that’s exactly my thought, being a Chennaiite, myself.

People tell me, reason with me, that Happiness is a state of mind and you can always find it, if you have the right frame of mind.  But, it’s not only me. There are people around me everywhere, wherever I go. And people do matter, in everyday life and its happiness quotient.  I don’t know if its my bad luck that the people I’ve met so far seem to be running away from me, at the sight of my face or they say in clear terms do not come near me or my place. If this can’t hurt you, then what can ???

So, what does the heart do in such occasions ???? Compare to the wonderful, carefree, lovely life in Hyderabad with an amazing number of friends, and some special people who really care for me. And the yearning to go back to my Paradise increases. After all I am human, not any saint.

Its also because I cannot live alone. I cannot live all by myself. I need to talk to others too.  And here I find people, first judging me without knowing the real me.

This city makes me feel claustrophobic, when I don’t have that at all, in me.  Sometimes, it chokes me so much, that I wish to run back !!!

Now, I am reading the 3rd book of Ramayana, by Ashok Banker  – Demons of Chitrakut. And I am in the part, when Rama goes into exile.  While Rama takes it all, as part of doing his Dharma, Lakshman seems to be thinking of the lost things in life.  The irony of how a crown-prince and heir to a Kingdom, is pushed out of his own Kingdom on his coronation day, is really heart-wrenching. Even after knowing its a deceptive scheme by Manthara, he continues with his exile.

It was 11.30pm yday night, when I was reading this part and suddenly I cried. What for ??? Rama ??? Or myself ????

Am I in exile here, asks my heart !!! Looks like, says the mind.

So, learn to face the demons and spend some happy times with family, till the day my Kingdom calls back to me, is my lesson today.  But, I am telling you all, its pretty damn hard to do it…..to smile against an unsmiling society.

I couldn’t help this rant today….sorry if I bored you all, with things u already know.

***************

There’s one happy thing which I noticed now and want to share it with you all – I am about to reach that 50,000 visitors on my page….watch out….who is that lucky person, who reach here as a milestone visitor ???

OK, reached that milestone, with a visit from the Chattering Box !!! 🙂 🙂 Now, theres something to make me happy today. 🙂 Thank you ppl. 🙂

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31 Replies to “Rant time”

    1. Wooooow! 50K visitors is a massive score….Congratulations Uma 😛

      I loved the way you tried to analyse your situation and feelings from various angles and perspectives. I know it didn’t do much good as far changing the situation you are in,but it definitely made you content by the realization that may be this a short spell like the exile you mentioned,which will soon end for good 😀 😀 😀

      Staying hopeful and never giving up on our attempts to understand our current circumstances are the necessary ingredient of human growth 😛

      Don’t feel low Uma…happier times are just round the corner 😀 😀
      {{{hugs}}}

      Like

    2. Oh yeah, you are, CB !!! 🙂 🙂 And thanks… 🙂 🙂

      As I said, I know all those happy times are just around the corner….but guess its some rant time….

      Thanks for all those understanding….am lucky for such frnds. 🙂 🙂 Feeling really good by those hugs, as I wipe a tear with my sleeve….. 🙂 🙂

      Like

  1. Firssssst ! ( Have been dying to say that…)

    If there was a way I could put a reassuring arm over your worried and despondent shoulder , across these virtual miles, would have done that ! Cheer up. Nothing can be so bad.

    I am firmly convinced, that whatever happens , it does so for a good reason. You were meant to be in Chennai at this point in your life, when your parents needed you. This is a great reason to simply ignore all those unfriendly types, who’ve been getting you upset. I also suspect that you;ve been run off your feet lately with lots of responsibilities, and a tired body often influences a normally ebullient mind.

    Give yourself sometime, bake some more cakes, enjoy some great clouds, needle some folks on FB….. life will start looking great again. Its not a city, its the mind. Like they say in hindi movies, here’s a jadoo ki jhappi …..

    Like

    1. OOPS, Suranga, you are second !!! These girls na, they claim their position first and then do the reading and commenting….very smart…. 😉

      How I wish for those arms around me and a real jadoo ki jhappi…. 🙂 🙂 Am glad of ur support all through my trying times, these past months. Hugs and thanks. 🙂

      Probably these last month’s have kept me really busy and logged down with many things to be done and this post is the outcome of all those….probably…..

      Am going to cook and bake like mad today, to keep my mind occupied….thanks a ton. 🙂 🙂

      Like

  2. Well but rama comes back ti his kngdom inspite of all hardships and all that he and others with him had to go through. The main point is he comes back home … So the universe conspiring to help out might take a bit longer but some day one day it does happen

    Congrats on the number heres wishing a few more zeroes to that number.

    Like

    1. See, Bikram, everyone knows Rama comes back, but his life was not the same again. Everything changes. And even then, I am thinking on the lines of how a Crown-Prince, can go on exile to suffer so much, after living a life of blissful luxury !!!

      Universe is taking time to conspire for me ??? Oh, Ok, I’ll wait….but I am telling u its damn hard to wait like that.

      Thanks for ur best wishes. 🙂

      Like

  3. Wow! 50k visitors? WOW WOW WOW! Congraaats Uma! 🙂
    You mustn’t worry. Please do what the heart wants. If now is NOT the time, the wait may even be a great addition to the happiness factor when the time does arrive.

    Like

    1. Thanks Priya…I am trying to overcome those unhappy moments and focus more on things, which make me happy. 🙂 🙂 Thanks for ur good wishes. 🙂

      Like

  4. “And here I find people, first judging me without knowing the real me.”

    Story of my life since the time I have returned to my hometown. Welcome to the club 🙂

    Like

    1. Its like that everywhere or with ppl like us, Shail ??? I find it so bugging and sometimes feel like screaming at them….but theres no use. They’ll pass one more judgement….

      Is coming back to home town, after living happily somewhere, is a real problem or what ???

      Like

  5. Uma first of all a big hug!!! Sigh! I can so understand what you are saying, every word every ache is from my own heart! When I moved to Chennai years ago, I cud not take the difference from Mumbai, which is where I grew up! And I hated the same attitudes of judgement! It was painful and added pressures that were hitting me from all sides, I can say only amounted to me breaking!!! I so know what you are saying and also what I think u r not saying! Sigh! My dear! will pray for you tht things will somehow get back to how it was before-nothing is impossible! Cheer up!!

    Like

    1. Oh dear…..thanks for all those words….I am not alone in my experiences with Chennai. And special hugs for understanding all those I didn’t write !!! {{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

      With all ur support, I am feeling better….thanks Indy. 🙂 🙂

      Like

  6. Congrats on crossing 50,000,i am 50,066 visitor here……. A big hifi….

    Uma people who made u sad are not worth to be remembered,just ignore them and come back to Manna hyderabad.Waiting for you……..

    Loads of hugs and kisses from me and from my girls,cheer up buddy………

    Like

    1. OOOH !!! Hi 5 to you !!! 🙂 🙂

      I really want to come, Sari….lemme see. 🙂 🙂

      Am all smiles with those hugs from u and little girls….. 🙂 🙂

      Like

  7. Hey Uma….. Big bear hug… like my daughter says, everytime she is upset!
    I can imagine it being very hard, moving to a city, which you cant relate to. Give it more time I guess. And meet happy people! May be people who are newer to Chennai.. this way, there is a lot of common ground!!

    And 50K………..wwwwwwwwwwwooooooooooohhooooooooooooo

    Like

    1. Oh, I love big bear hugs….thanks Garima. 🙂 🙂

      Yeah, thats what I think to do….what I need is a really good frnd…. 🙂 🙂 But I am happy with so many frnds around here…like you. 🙂

      Like

  8. I think suranga said everything I wanted to say…..and some more too! 🙂
    Hugssssssss…….it’s just one of those days where everything wants to make you say ‘why me’…. happens to all of us……

    Remember it was all meant to be. Don’t think too much…you may find it overwhelming. And if you want to rant…I am just an sms or phone call away 🙂 Hugs!

    Like

    1. {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}} Thanks Ash, for being there. 🙂 🙂

      Yeah, when one of those days hits you, its really difficult to handle, even if you know all the answers to the problems.

      Like

  9. It is OK to be sad and upset and rant. Get things out of your system. That there is hope of return will get you through hard times. Hold on to that thought.

    And you have all of us to hold on to and to cheer you on. Big hug.

    Congratulations on 50K 🙂

    Like

    1. Exactly…thats what I did….let everything out and I feel better now. 🙂 🙂 Thanks for those hug and wishes….am glad that u are all there for me. 🙂

      Like

  10. Hugs and more hugs Uma!
    Hope you are feeling all better now!

    Ranting is always welcome and much needed!
    And we are always around to pass on the much needed hugs! 🙂

    Like

  11. 50K Visitors…Way to go Uma!! Congrats on this !!
    Oh dear..you don’t have to feel low when you have such a lovely family there and friends here!! Forget people who are biased with their judgements about u..they will one day realise the REAL U 🙂 Cheer up!!!!
    I feel so sad (& bad), when I see chennai treating you this way!! But on a positive note, You have the magic to create happiness around all by yourself dear! {{{hugs to you}}}}

    Like

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