The lessons I learnt are the ones I teach !!!

I am a cleanliness freak and I think, I got it from my Mom. She was not screaming at her top of her lungs to instill that cleanliness factor in me…rather she did it and proved by example, how good it is to be clean and tidy, in everything.

Now, that’s a lesson I’ve learnt well and I really want to pass it on to my daughters.  Its only when I practise it I find the difficulties in making them do small chores, in order to learn something useful for life.

I always think that learning a few things at home, is never going to hurt my children, rather it’ll help them so much when they are on their own, in college or later working. You see, I need to think ahead !!!!

I taught my daughter to make tea – now it’s for me and S, but later she might become a tea person.

I also taught her to cook a cup of rice and dhal – now, isn’t that essential to keep away the hunger, when she is on her own ???

There are so many small things which I make sure that my girls do – keeping the shoes back in the shoe rack, arranging the books in order in their shelf, putting the used clothes in the laundry basket, not throwing the wet towel on the bed, making the bed, setting the table for eating and clearing it afterwards, clearing the washed vessels….I think there are umpteen small things to do every moment, in the effort to make a home from a house.

They might not do all these everyday, for after all they are also bowed down by school pressure on some days. But these are some things, which go in the long run in keeping the home clean.

My girls might think that these tasks are cumbersome and boring and Amma is being so cruel, to make us do all these – just as I thought when I was young.

But now, I thank my Amma for all the small things I learnt from her, which makes me a great home maker, a clean and honest host for the relatives, a smart planner when I get guests at home – all these were taught just like that, with no special classes or forced learning.

So, I think, in due course of life, my girls will also find all these knowledge on basic home maintenance a boon to a healthy home.

My idea is certainly not gender based, even if I had boys, I would have made sure that they learn all these things – for now, the boys too stay together with friends and cook and clean the house they live in.

These are basic skills for survival, in a clean environment.

I’ve also seen some mothers, who go behind the son / daughter, with the clothes they need to wear in the morning (uniform). Then later the clothes to wear for playing are laid out on the bed, the nightwear ready again when the children get ready to bed. The paste is ready on the brush. The socks and shoes polished and ready to wear.

I feel that all these are too much.  This will only make the child more lazy and totally dependent on basic choices.  Now, how will the child think to decide what to do in their life ????

Why cant the child be given the choice of what to wear  ??? This dependency will affect them, when they are on their own in hostel, unable to decide the outfit for the day.

Polishing the shoes is a must do task, which everyone needs to learn. Then why not teach the child abt it ????

I point out things bluntly sometimes and may be my daughters think that I am the rudest mother on Earth.  But there are some things, which I want them to learn for easy survival later. It’s always good to be independent and practical and smart enough to know the ways of the world.

I just hope that the girls do well in their life later, being on their own, deciding for themselves, living life to the fullest and of course, having a clean home. 🙂


62 Replies to “The lessons I learnt are the ones I teach !!!”

    1. Wow! I could totally relate to all you said in this post.
      I am myself a cleanliness freak who learnt it all by example by my mum. You are doing a fabulous job at letting your girls do little things of our daily lives on their own. They do make a huge difference when they’ll be on their own 😀 😀
      I too have been there and done that 😀 😀
      As far feeling that you are a cruel mum, don’t worry about it, for all teenagers think the same about their mums, you did too and I too 😉 😀 😀
      But in no time your daughters will appreciate the value of all the small yet important lessons you are teaching them 😀 😀
      A beautiful post 😀 😀


    2. CB, you are certainly Rocking, with your FIRST position !!! 🙂

      Thank you CB, for all the lovely words… 🙂

      It makes a lot of difference – teaching thru example – it stays in the mind forever. 🙂 Thank God, there are mothers like mine and yours, to keep the world more clean. 🙂


    1. I think you’ve learnt a lot in the few years you are staying on your own – that’ll help u to teach the lessons well. 🙂 Dont u worry…You can always chk with the expert…ahem…ahem…ME 😉


  1. My mom is cleaniness freak,…even if she is ill and she has smallest chore pending ..she will get up clean tht piece and then do rest…
    From now only i try angel put her toys back in basket after playing and she do put them back sometime…atleast half ofthem and close the basket lid and run away 🙂


    1. Thats sounds like my amma too, Rash !!! Guess some moms are like that – and we carry forward that cleanliness beacon !!! 😉

      Oh so sweet Angel…learning lessons from now on… 🙂


  2. I completely agree with your post. I feel the children def need to learn to manage on their own and not “spoon-fed” all the time. Spoon feeding will just cripple the child, instead teach them to be independent.


  3. That is the way I taught my boys. Both of them cook, the younger one makes great breakfast and aloo sabzi and rice. The older one is a wonderful cook, can bake, and make the fanciest meals possible. The older one is so neat that he even yells at me if I leave my shoes on the floor in my own bedroom! To think I used to yell at them for being messy!!! Basic cleanliness and basic cooking are very essential survival skills


    1. WOW Ritu !!! Of course, you are a wonderful mother and a even fantastic MIL !!! 😉 🙂 Hugs to you on this note. 🙂

      I just love your approach of bringing up kids…wish ppl will take valuable lessons from this. 🙂

      My brother too can cook and manage the whole household, totally on his own – and he’s also a cleanliness freak !!! 😉


  4. Love this post Uma. Little ones learn exactly like this. To teach by example is the BEST way.:)

    PS:- I came searching for one of your older posts. the one you wrote for your husband. Where is it? Cant seem to find it.


  5. Completely with you on this, Uma. Yeah, you do sound like a cruel mom 😉 LOL, just kidding. But everything that you insist on your girls doing now, will SO help them at a later date. Unfortunately, I knew no housekeeping/cooking whatsoever until the time I got married and moved into a joint family, and I had a TOUGH time and I still do, as the tag attached to me never will go! So atleast your girls will thank you for being a good mommy 🙂


    1. Even I have feel blessed, when I remembered my amma doing something and bang on did it correctly, many years later. Thats why learning thru example is fabulous. 🙂

      I can understand how you would’ve felt, when u entered joint family scenario, without any idea abt all these…but you have done well Pal….carrying the rice cooker wherever u go and cooking great meals while travelling too… 😉 😉


        1. Of course….while I stay away from cooking during travel, I was quite surprised to hear from you that u carry a Rice cooker…can never forget such contrasts with me…LOL…. 🙂


  6. Uma, are we some soul sisters?? 🙂
    It was exactly the same with my mom and me and now, I do the same with Aaryan.
    Except for the tea and cooking bit (he is too young for that…. 8 yr old), he does all what you mentioned. In fact, last Sunday, I asked him to set the table for dinner, and you know what he did… he arranged the table as in Pizza Hut… A plate with a paper napkin on the side with a fork and spoon on it!! 🙂
    It’s good to be independent and such habits are better to instill when one is young!!
    Cheers to wonderful mommy in you!! 🙂


    1. Ok, Shilpa and Nu, you are my soul sisters, OK !!!! 🙂 🙂 Hugs to both of you. 🙂

      Oh, such a sweet little Aaryan – did he set the table like Pizza Hut ??? WOW !!! So, you all enjoyed the dinner more that day !!! 🙂

      Cheers from one mommy to another !!! 🙂


      1. Sure I will ! In due course !!!

        from history & from experience, one thing I realized is that (in majority cases) parents never make good teachers – no matter, how highly qualified they are! Children call this “parent nags” at their young age, but start appreciating these only when they start “standing on their legs” – probably in their “post-teens” !!!


  7. I hear you say…and I’m all YES to whatever you’ve written down..I’m a cleanliness freak too and I don’t like to come to an unkempt house or to wake up to such a scenario…you can step in to my house any time and you’ll find it clean..sure the credit goes to my mom..totally !

    And you’re right…it was all taught very easily and not a forced learning…

    Children who never learn to move out of their mother’s pallu are the ones who spoil their life and relationships big time…and it’s a fact cause they don’t know how to deal with life..their own life !

    I’m glad you teaching your daughters what is right and at the right time 🙂 I hope to do the same for my children 🙂

    P.S. I’s not about girls learning all’s about children learning to live on their own-properly and neatly-organized !


    1. So true na, Nu…we are examples of learning the good things from our mothers, who set things by example. 🙂

      Lovely comment and thank you for all your YES !!! 🙂


  8. You are a great mom Uma. I agree with your points and think that I also have taken after my mother’s traits in cleaning; eventhough I do not agree it completely to her face 🙂 Teaching by example is the best and probably the only sustaining way. I let my kids do chores and believe that it is a must to not to depend on anyone for basic things in life. Your girls will do great once they start leading independent lives. I loved this post!


  9. Beautiful post, Ums. I so agree with all that you’ve said. Being independent and self reliant is the best teaching we can give our children.

    You’re a great mother, Ums..your girls are truly blessed to have you as their mom. They may not acknowledge that now..but later on they will realize how instrumental you were in shaping their life 🙂

    God bless you, Ums!

    PS: It was lovely lovely talking to you ;). Hugs!!


  10. So agree with u Ums ! Am so thankful for all those lessons I have got from Mom and Dad. It was from an young age that Dad used to gimme 100 rs and take me to the bank to deposit it in my account – so that I dnt hv a qs mark in my head when it comes to banking transactions. Every small thing ws taught to me that way by my parents – there ws no boy’s work/girl’s work. Well, I am extremely thankful to them now bcoz I feel I can do any work. Many times, ppl hv told my parents they brought me up like a son! His only answer would be that he has brought me up like an all-rounder daughter. Why should it be like a son 😉 😉 Sigh! Ur post made me miss my parents Ums 😛 I sooo want to run to Blr nw 😀

    And with my Mom, just like u say, we used to call her Police Inspector before 😛 😛 nw I know she did all those things for my own good – and she even used to tell that then – that we will realize it sometime later in life 😀 Moms know us so well 😉 😉


    1. LOL @ Police Inspector….we used to call amma as the Warden !!! 🙂 😉

      But those are valuable lessons, which we’ll remember for life and which will help us at every juncture in life. Thank God for such lovely parents, everywhere. 🙂

      Come on, run to Blr and go to Hyd, via Chennai…. 😉 😉


  11. You are teaching right , I regret being the only male kid in the family was pampered, not did many things .. and when i had to come here it was like how to do this , how to do that , but necessity taught me everything slowly…

    But had i known it would have been easier.. Cooking-cleaning is a must for all kids you will need ot use that anywhere in life…

    You are teaching goood values to your kids …


  12. So true Uma! Handling the daily chores of life are a lesson kids will need all their life! I have tried my best to instill all that I could in the boys and my girl, as I myself was never taught them when young, and felt helpless later on in life! I feed this would happen to them so I made them my little helpers since young! Also I had no other proper help besides asking the boys to give me a hand and later my dawter too.

    And hey I correct them really rudely too sometimes but I don’t mean to be harsh, just my nature is sometimes that way, but the kids I’m sure will be able to read the true message behind our tough words! 🙂

    Lovely post Uma!


    1. Indy, I think you are doing a great job…sometimes we tend to be strict and rude….but thats fine. I always console myself, that its ok for the parents to teach…the kids dont mind a little bit of strictness…but when they get it somewhere outside, they certainly dont like it. Good things are learnt at home. So, go ahead, do what you are doing…its perfect. 🙂


  13. Oh I could relate to all of those (except for “making the beds” and “keeping my clothes folded in a cupboard part :D)
    My mom taught by example too…but while i stayed with her, i NEVER did any of those, which did make her pissed off at times, forcing her to be stern and scold me (and THEN i’d grumble and do it)…
    But after I moved out, i began doing ALL of those things like clockwork…and i surprised myself many times.
    Before i got married, i NEVER cooked a thing; i perhaps couldn’t even tell the difference between channa and green gram (yea, exaggeration, but i was reaaaaaly bad in the kitchen); but after the marriage, cooking became a wonderful experience 🙂
    But yea, i still HATE making the bed and folding clothes, but the husband is quite insistent about both and does those himself 😀 😀


    1. Priya, this is exactly how I learnt and how I want my daughters to learn too…. 🙂

      See, how easily it comes to us, because we’ve watched our moms do things around the house…its wonderful to be taught this way. 🙂

      LOL @ ur last line of comment. 🙂 😉 But its good partnership in life. 🙂


  14. oh well I am a messy person myself… those words “there is a order in every mess” is supposed to be me…

    but yes cleaniness i am with u… and specially the fact that cooking and basic living fundas are essential and i hope to teach them to ojas… infact I already am.

    good post


    1. Its great to know that Oju will be learning from one of the best all-rounder here…. 🙂

      Oju will be a fantastic learner, observing and absorbing all the good ones from you. Cheers to you. 🙂


  15. So well said…. I think I am also at time guilty of over-mothering Since its just quicker. But I get your point…. when it comes to cleanliness, my daughter is a step ahead of me.. seriously. I know it sound ridculous considering she is 2.5… but she needs a wipe in one hand and spoon of food in other! 😀


  16. Second you Uma! When I was young, she taught me how to keep rice, boil milk, prepare tea/coffee etc, because she was working. I have fought with her n times why she want me to do all that! But when I ventured into a job, all by myself in a new place, I found all her simple tips helpful to me! Those days, all mom (working/home-makers) would want to have their daughters trained up, especially keeping MARRIAGE as a sole reason! Simple things like keeping the shoes arranged, not to put the wet towels on bed/sofa, to put the coffee cup into wash tub if not learnt at the young age, we never get that! 5’il vilayadhadhu 50’il vilayuma stuff!
    Yes…I again agree on spoon-feeding mums. They pamper the kid so much, that he/she is is never let to take any independent decisions!


    1. So apt proverb and rightly said !!! 🙂 Its amazing how much our moms teach us, without actually spelling out the job…its intuition…its the desire to follow our moms….its fantastic only when we experience it…. 🙂


  17. Maa taught me..and not I am going to try and pass it all on.. As much as I hated it while growing up I thank Maa every so often for making me self reliant.. and now know how important that is.

    Beautiful post Uma


    1. Thanks Comfy….just as we have understood the necessity behind those lessons, our children too will understand one day. 🙂 🙂 I think you’ll pass it on, even without knowing abt it. 🙂


  18. My mother used to run behind me with everything – socks, shoes, uniform… I loved being pampered by her. But fortunately…as I moved to being by myself…I learnt to do myself too. It wasnt too tough..and I hadnt become a spoilt brat…so it helped.

    The habits you are instilling in your kids now will go a long way…! 🙂


  19. I felt good about my tough love recently when my kids had to fend more or less for themselves living with relatives and friends while I dashed off to my dad’s side. I’m glad I never encouraged clinginess or dependence…got a lot of praise for the easy independent kids they are.


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