I am not Guilty anymore…

Now, there is this link from the Women’s Web, for writing about feeling guilty, being a mother.

I was feeling guilty.

As a Mother, I am as old as my child.  The mother in me was born with my child and I learnt the little steps to being a mother, while my child was trying to crawl, walk, talk and learn new things.  I’ve tripped and fallen down many a times in my judgement or reaction to situations, thereby adding to the guilty feeling inside me.

When I left my wonderful job and financial independence owing to my first pregnancy, there was not a soul in our relatives circle, who didn’t criticize that decision of mine and my husband’s.  And yes, I’ve felt guilty of giving away my wonderful career.  My office people didn’t want to me go – that made it really hard on me.

It was really difficult managing my guilty feeling, along with the criticism of relatives and friends around me and constant calling from my office people.  It took a great amount of my strength to say NO firmly to myself and to others – it was really a hard time, handling that guilt.

From a happy-go-enjoy-life attitude of a 24 yr old,  to a mother of two girls by 26 – I was shocked at myself.  I certainly didn’t see this happening to me. I was not thin any more.  I was totally out of shape.  I didn’t have a career.  The sad part was I forgot how I existed 2 years back.

More tough was the job of handling two girls – one running all around the house and the other little one daring to fall off the bed, while trying to turn continuously.  I was going mad.

There was no constant help around. And it was tough managing the household and the kids. I was wondering, how I let this situation grow on me.

The husband was transferred…had to stay back becos I felt that managing in a known place is better, at that time.  Guilty again, with the man being miles away from me.

Happy to be reunited with husband in a new town…but guilty to be on my own…no Mom to run and come, at the beck and call of mine.

Actually, my mind was so busy, cleaning, cooking, feeding the girls and doing the entire work at home, that when I got up to see, what’s happening to me, 4 years have passed by quietly.  Again guilty for not enjoying those moments in detail…I don’t have any photographs…no write-ups…nothing apart from my memory on what happened during those years.  Now, when I see young mothers, noting down details of everyday with pictures, it makes me feel guilty of times spent with no diary.

__________________________________________________

NO MORE GUILTY

But, I always wonder at the two lives, created and brought to this Earth. The two wonderful daughters. They are delight to be with.  They were darlings and never created a racket at home.  That helped to ease the guilt feeling nagging at the ends of my mind.

And when they joined school, I started doing other odd things, with the time I had in hand.  That made me feel like a bird with new found wings.

I found myself, very creative, with threads and needle, with paints and brush, with rangoli powders and my hand…I started discovering a new ME.  And this discovery found me on blogs tooo….and is still going on.

It dawned on me that the wonderful job I had, no more brought in the excitement.  It also made me realize that the priorities in my life has changed.  How a wonderful creation called babies, can change your whole world upside down !!!! Going for the job again, didn’t give me any satisfaction.  I wanted to see my girls take their first step, talk their first word and be with them for the many firsts in their life.

Yes, my career would have been fantastic, if I had stuck with that job – Who knows, I might be in some project site in the US of A, too.  But all that don’t matter anymore…they don’t look so exciting as it used to be for me, when I was 24.

I’ve changed for the better. I’ve become more matured with every day.

My take on life is entirely simple – Enjoy every moment of your living breath with loved ones around you. No one knows whats in store for the next moment. The present moment is more precious to be lived with my wonderful husband and the darling daughters.

Now, I don’t look into motherhood, with a guilty feeling.  Not any more.  I’ve realized that my daughters and their smile, my husband and his love are far important to me, than all those guilty feelings put together.

No amount of money can replace the smile I get when the girls come back from school to give me a hug.  🙂

No career can equate the dependent love that has grown between me and my husband. 🙂

Life is short – Enjoy every moment without any guilt or regret and don’t forget that love needs to be expressed immediately. There are no right moments to express it.

Life is sweet – Enjoy with loved ones around you.

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About UmaS

A Stay At Home Mom trying desperately to make a difference, in whatever I do !!!
This entry was posted in The Beginning and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

61 Responses to I am not Guilty anymore…

  1. Vineeta says:

    Though my first comment, I felt as if I know you! See girl bonding 🙂 The line “No amount of money can replace the smile I get when the girls come back from school to give me a hug. ” really made me smile after reading the guilt part of the post! I can relate to this completely and I know mothers can never be guilty of being one 🙂

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Welcome here Vineeta…thank u so much for that comment. Yes, girl bonding is wonderful and I am glad that u feel that way abt me. 🙂

      Why sudden change in the DP to this Bugs Bunny ??? Your picture was so cute. 🙂

      Like

      • Vineeta says:

        hehehe.. I just thought for a change I should change it 😀 And felt this was cuter 😀 but thanks for calling the former one cute.. will put it again after some days 😀

        Like

  2. Shilpa says:

    Where did my comment go ???

    Like

    • Shilpa says:

      😦 I typed “1st:D” twice and it says wordpress error 😦

      Like

      • Shilpa says:

        Thats very sweet… 😀
        Because I see a lot of ladies… who had very hectic lives now confined to being a housewife and don’t seem to like it a bit!! They seem to be complaining forever about in-laws, house, kids, husband neglecting. But I guess happiness lies in finding those small things in life which will keep you happy 😀

        Like

      • UmaS says:

        Your comment went into SPAM…God knows why WP did such a thing to my dear friend !!! 😦

        Constant complaining is not going to take us anywhere na, Shilpa. Its better to learn happiness than guilt.

        Like

  3. Meira says:

    It’s a brilliant thought, Uma, of not feeling guilty about the choices we’ve taken.

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Isn’t it ???? Isn’t life simplified a lot, when the guilt is put off from the mind ??? Then we are all free to love every moment of our life. 🙂

      Like

  4. Nancy says:

    Uma u have a very positve outlook!!!! Seriously u r special…coz I still feel terrible sometimes for leaving my job & staying home. And whts more I hold it against my husband & once in a while give him a terrible time 😀

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Nancy, thank you so much…I value your comments so much… 🙂

      I think its time you think of an alternate career – the one that doesn’t demand too much from you, so that the kids get their special time with mommy and poor him, stop giving him a terrible time…

      And I am not doing the Nablopomo thingy…sometimes breaks give u so much fodder to write or better I wanted to get back to blogging with a bang, so just posting everyday, not knowing what to do….but Sundays, I am OFF.

      Like

  5. Nancy says:

    I see u r posting everyday…are u also on this nablopomo thingie….u guys will kill the rest of us this way 😦

    Like

  6. chatterbox says:

    A beautiful post written straight from the heart. Your words touched me somewhere just like they do when me and mum have a ‘heart-to-heart’ sharing moment.
    I totally feel that it’s your optimism and determination to swim through the waters no matter how rough the sea might get has brought to the shores of a happy, content, oozing in love life 🙂

    When we take the big moves and stand to face the consequences life often has no choice left but mold itself around us. That’s exactly what has happened with you. I loved the way you’ve used your free time to develop your hidden creativity and I do remember you do the franchise work as well.

    Hugs to the beautiful person that you are and a bow in respect and admiration to your determination to be what you are today 😛

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      I am so touched with your comment. Comparing this post, with the conversations u have with ur mum – oh dear, thank you. 🙂

      Yes, I’ve learnt to be a optimist and it has given me more happiness. Life was a struggle when I was in the process of learning this valuable lesson. Once it is learnt, there has been no looking back – I am happy to be here – living and breathing every moment.

      Hugging you back, with all the love for life. 🙂

      Like

  7. Pal says:

    Awwwwwwwww… so sweet. I guess every mother feels guilty either for herself or for her children, and the choices she HAS to make …. very nice post Uma. Especially liked your message in the last line… ‘enjoy with your loved ones’

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Thanks Pal…every mother goes thru that stage na ??? But how we come out of it, is what matters…Thank God, I learnt to be happy instead of guilty. 🙂

      Like

  8. lostworld says:

    Lovely post!! I have to echo Nancy’s thoughts – your optimism is infectious!! 🙂 And yes.. Had my mom been working (she’s qualified too), I’m sure it would have taken the sheen out of our childhood & adolescent years!

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Thank you LW !!! Doesn’t it make so much difference when Mom is at home to receive you from school ??? Glad your Mom took that step, just like me. 🙂

      Like

  9. starry says:

    I think it is a joy being a mom and however lucrative a carrier can be, nothing like motherhood.You are able to give that undivided attention to your family.

    Like

  10. Swaram says:

    Ums, thatz such a gr8 msg u hv there .. cherish the wonderful moments is what is more important 🙂

    Like

  11. Karate brat says:

    🙂 i dont have much to say,i really felt happy reading this 🙂

    Like

  12. I wasn’t working so gave up no job and felt guilty when I saw mothers who had busy lives and careers which were sure to make the kids proud 😐 I also felt I was over protective or too involved – in fact a friend told me ‘wholesome neglect’ was also a good thing 😦

    I think one should do whatever makes one feel good, which is which is what you (and I) did 🙂

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Isn’t everyone seeking happiness everywhere ??? But they can find it inside themselves, by doing what the heart really tells them to do.

      Hugs to you, IHM, for choosing to do what made u feel good, as I did !!!! 🙂

      Wholesome neglect – hmmm, shld think on that !!!

      Like

  13. Deeps says:

    A post straight from the heart, Ums! Yes once do what you want to do and satisfied and happy with your decisions theres no room for guilt whatsoever.

    “Life is short – Enjoy every moment without any guilt or regret and don’t forget that love needs to be expressed immediately. There are no right moments to express it.” Very well said.

    Beautiful post, Ums. Good luck for the competition 🙂

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Thank you, Deeps. 🙂

      There may be so many mothers who are doing, what I did after I got my babies. They might not understand the guilt feelings that crowd them. I’ve been there and come out of that guilt well enough. And I wish all those mothers too, understand happiness and overcome the guilt. That guilt, if given proper fodder, will kill them and their happiness.

      Like

  14. Indy says:

    Loved your life fundas Ums! Simply loved them…shall keep them in mind! :))) And you’ve been wonderful at all that you’ve done so far… at work, as a wife, mother daughter… proud of you! :))

    Like

  15. Ashwathy says:

    Yikes!!! U had 2 kids by the time u were 26??? 😯

    But lovely post all the same … 🙂
    Going for the job again, didn’t give me any satisfaction. I wanted to see my girls take their first step, talk their first word and be with them for the many firsts in their life.
    I m not even engaged, much less married or expecting kids. But I mentally know that given a choice, this is what I’d take 🙂

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Don’t ask abt those 2 years, Ash…I myself didn’t know what was happening around me…I’ve a hazy recollection of those years…but the fruits are a plenty, which I am enjoying now.

      Am glad for that conviction in your thoughts…its wonderful to be guilt free. 🙂

      Like

  16. starsinmeyes says:

    Guilt really spoils the enjoyment doesn’t it?! Lovely post, straight from the heart and expressing what so many of us have struggled thru’! I went thru that embroidery stage too….remember how wonderful it was to create those designs on my daughter’s dresses!

    Liked the message, enjoy the journey while it lasts. Think it’s my first time on your blog. Love it!

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Welcome to my blog, Starsinmeyes !!! 🙂 Love the colours in your eye !!! 🙂

      Thank you so much for the warm words…its nice to meet moms who have been there and done all those things, too, like me !!!

      If we keep inventing ourselves, instead of doing only what we know, life will be interesting and happy, isnt it ???

      Like

  17. Priya says:

    This is a lovely post with a great message 🙂 We all have our guilt moments but… how we let go of certain things and come to terms with present choices and the happiness that we get out of them… is what makes life worthwhile!

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Welcome Priya…glad of ur visit here 🙂

      Thats what we are trying to do everyday – make life worthwhile to live !!! And lets be guilt free and happy too !!! 🙂

      Like

  18. vimmuuu says:

    awwww….dont feel guilty now…there is no use ! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀

    Jokes and insensitivities apart, nice post. did those two read this post ??? 😀 😀 😀

    and you occasionally write all these good stuffs about them so that they give you the computer all the time, na? 😀 😀 😀 I know…I know 😉

    Like

  19. Jyothi says:

    I came upon this post as it was mentioned on IHM’s blog’s comment section. Just loved reading this. You are wondering where 4 years went, while I am wondering where 14 years of my life went! I guess I spent the last year or so discovering myself. Now I am where you are. Relaxed and happy to be where I am. OK …Now, I need to go to another site to clarify a few points! 🙂 🙂 🙂 see ya….

    Like

    • UmaS says:

      Welcome Jyothi… 🙂 Glad to see you here.

      Whether its 4 years or 14 years, its the happy discovering of our source of happiness, that matters…am glad that u found yours. 🙂

      See you around. 🙂

      Like

  20. Lakshmi says:

    Late here Uma. Enjoyed the post very much – feeling not guilty is the best blessing in life. My husband is always happy where as I seem to find things to ponder about. This post was a booster for me 🙂

    Like

  21. Butterfly says:

    As promised, I am here. I will not blog till I read all the old posts. 😀
    Nice Umi, well said.

    Like

  22. Neha says:

    Hi Uma,

    Just came across your blog.. You write really well..
    Specially loved this post… I know its difficult to take the decision regrading the career when a working woman plan to start a family…

    Very well written…

    I have written a similar post, regarding the confusion of a working woman to quit the job after starting a family or not… Do read if you have time:
    http://sweetnsour-coffeebreaks.blogspot.com/2010/10/to-continue-or-not.html

    Regards,
    Neha

    Like

  23. Pingback: What has class got to do with Domestic Violence « A Desi Girl's Guide to Relationship Survival

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