Uma, is your daughter learning Carnatic music ???
Dance – the traditional one ???
Nope. All she is interested is the Shiamak Dawar one.
Instruments -violin or veena ??? (Only those instruments which is traditional to Carnatic music)
Yeah, my daughter wants to learn the guitar.
Ok, did you send them for the Abacus classes, when they were young ??? Everyone sends their kids to Abacus classes.
Nope. They managed Mathematics, without learning it the Abacus way.
Any crafts classes ????
Nothing in specific. Once she has gone to some Drawing class, becos she wanted to learn shading. If she is interested, I might put her in some class.
What about summer classes ???
Summer vacations are meant to enjoy and take a break from studies. If my girls wishes to go for some class, then let her get the details, then I’ll put them in it. She should show the initiative that she is interested in something.
What is this ??? What kind of mother am I ???? – This is people’s perception, when I answer like this.
What to do ???? I don’t like the idea of forcing my child to learn something. If it has to be learnt, the interest should come from within, for a child. Then the learning process is easier. Isn’t it ????
Already we are seeing so many instances, in our life. A child who doesn’t want to learn Mathematics is forced to learn the subject to appear in the Board Exams. And there are no options to choose either Algebra or Trigonometry or Geometry separately. It is forced on every child to learn them all. While a child might have tremendous capacity to do Trigonometry, that same child might struggle with some other part of Maths. That’s why I feel, the selection of subjects should be more broadly categorised, to help such children.
Even for reading a story book, the interest should come from within. I might try to spark her interest by taking her to a book shop or a book exhibition. She might even buy the books. But, to sit down and read and enjoy the fairy tale world, is certainly up to her. While my elder one is an avid reader from very young years, the younger one has to taken to the books only recently. Each person is different and their passions too. I needed to be very patient in not comparing the reading habits of both the girls. When me and my elder one discussed books, the younger felt the need to be part of the conversation. Then started her journey with books.
The past decade gave so much importance to the Engineering and Medicine fields, while the Humanities group has taken a back seat. It’s so much back, that I am struggling to find a school which offers that group, for my daughter wishes to join that group. CBSE schools are all concentrating on MPC / Science / Commerce groups. I am having a tough time researching schools, here.
My daughter is not interested in doing Engineering or Medicine and I appreciate her decision very much. Anything is fine, as long as she learns it with a passion and is happy doing it. To find a job or to make a living, one should have the right aptitude and the required knowledge and of course, lots of positive attitude and a smiling approach. It’s not necessary to have an Engineering degree to make a living.
I’ve seen how all the parents used to pounce on the teacher during the parent teacher meets, to discuss their child in detail. They dissected the child’s personality, marks, behaviour and everything possible under the sun, in front of the child itself. Just imagine how embarrassing it’ll be for the child. I certainly disapprove parents doing this year after year and then complaining that the child has no self-confidence.
I was the only parent, who will just slide in and out of the class in a minute or so. I’ll collect the report card, sign the register and ask simple questions like – “Is she considerate to others in class ??? Does she enjoy being with other kids??” The other parents were shocked to know that I don’t bother about marks at all. All I want is my daughter should be a good human being and enjoy her life.
And I have also insisted this to my daughters, from the time they were young. Marks don’t add up your life. But your moral values, your smiles, your josh for living life are the important factors which decide your future.
I am very thankful to my parents for making me understand this and giving me lots of freedom to choose my own subjects. Even the decision to work was entirely mine and I’ve never regretted any decision. To give such freedom to girls 3 decades back, was difficult and my parents did it, even under pressure from other family members.
If you don’t find happiness in designing electronic circuits / building bridges or apartments / handling the financial accounts, then you are doing the wrong job.
The happiness factor may lie in painting or pottery or photography or travel journalism or fashion design or hair styling. Just do what the heart desires and you can see yourself soaring high.
So, it’s not following the traditions and learning Carnatic music or Bharatanatyam, that will satisfy my daughter.
It’s following the heart. Whatever the heart is passionate about, we will give 100% focus and hard work and will surely make it a success.
And I think I’ve done a decent job of making my daughter understand this difference between – scoring marks and having a passion – following traditions blindly and following the heart with passion.