Now, 10 things in 10 days huh ??? Probably I am a quick learner, to put it in a better way.
The daughter is away in her hostel for the past 15 days – I seem to be counting the days without her at home, but things are different in her part of the world.
This kind of separation is first time for both of us, but she seems to be doing better than me. I asked myself Why??? The stupid MOM in me, smiles sheepishly, as though this is bound to happen. Then came a lot of realizations, everyday, which I ought to share with you, my mommy friends, for there’s a lesson to learn under these circumstances. Its better we are prepared.
So, here it goes:
1. First lesson I learnt which is also the most important of all is, give the child some space. Restricting the phone calls to a particular time of the day / night helps. I might be jobless, but she has classes to attend.
2. Do not ask questions like “What did you eat??” / “Did you eat at all??” / “What was on menu??” / “Don’t sleep late that you miss eating breakfast in the mess” – All these might be answered with “Maaaaaa, JUST CHILL !! I am fine here”. So, I am learning to CHILL
3. While talking to the daughter on phone, do not pamper her with words – they feel embarrassed !! Wait for her to get back home, to do all the pampering. And no cuddly talks and a STRICT NO-NO for mushy mushy words. I am serious mommies…listen to me.
4. Allow her to choose the day and time to SKYPE and do not expect her to SKYPE everyday. I’ve sent her all the way there to study and equip herself with the knowledge required to face a competitive career – certainly not to SKYPE with me for hours.
5. Very important – Do not ask questions like – “Have you made friends??” / “How’s your room-mate??” / “Who’s your best friend??”
May be all these questions worked and were valid, when she was in school and I got time to be with her and talk to her everyday, in person. But now, its difficult to answer such things on phone. She might be among other friends, when answering such questions becomes difficult. So, waiting for her to come home, to share such things with me.
6. If there are a few things which my daughter misses, even though she refuses to accept that while we talk, is the baked yummies / snacks made at home. So, if at all I need to send her a courier, fill it with snacks – which she’ll devour and will be more proud to share with friends.
7. Actually, more information comes to me, through the sibling. Even though they talk for very few minutes, I think they catch up on FB chat or txting or whatever…I am learning to accept information from the younger one !!! Its so difficult – being a mommy I had been so possessive. Its time to let go now.
8. There’s no need to remind the daughter about the pending mobile recharge or the wifi payment for the month or whatever !!! I’ve brought up a responsible daughter and she’ll do well without me around, nagging about silly things. I just should trust her and leave her to do her things.
9. Whenever she shares things about her class / practicals, I get terribly excited – that College excitement still catches up with me. But I should leave things as she tells me and not show too much excitement nor keep pursuing the same topic. Its quite difficult to explain all the class schedules, the other finer things which they learn – all over one telephone call.
10. Finally, I’ve left her in a safe place. People are good, there’s good security, the staff are so kind and helpful. And my daughter is a person with her head on her neck, firmly secured. If she misses to answer my call or misses to reply to my txt, immediately, I should not get flustered / worried / think about 101 wrong things !!! Instead, I should remain calm and try calling her later or probably call her friend and find out, if things are ok.
I think there might be more, but the underlying fact is that the “LET GO” in me, should be really strong. From now on, she’ll be a bird, visiting her mother’s nest !!! I should get used to that fact. Not only that, I should also be ready, to set the second bird to fly on her own.
God, sometimes, this feels quite difficult, but I am happy to see my daughter managing things all on her own, responsible in her own way !!! Am happy about the up-bringing !!