A friend’s book – my review !!!

A Calendar Too Crowded by Sagarika Chakraborty

While Blogadda decided that I should not be given 7-day deadline to review a book by my bestest blog-friend, I was indeed happy. I don’t think I would’ve done justice in just 7 days to read a book like that and review it too. Not that I was a slow reader, but I took my time to read, contemplate and think about each and every aspect Sagarika has spoken about in this book. There were moments when I had to keep the book down to literally think and analyze what that story / poem was talking about.

A Calendar Too Crowded by Sagarika Chakraborty, gives the reader a real, honest and shocking glimpse into our hypocritical society and values, with regard to the women of this society.  The illusions, the trauma, the anguish, the doubts, the hope, the smiles, the contradictions, the confusions are all brought alive through the words, as I sit there and visualize myself through every character depicted in each story or poem.

Even though “Finding an ideal mother to my unborn child” was tad lengthier than the other stories, the message was so apt and a must for every mother of today who run to make a machine out of their child, at the same time bringing the child up with a gender inequality at its height and insensitivity towards the parent’s sufferings. Then there is no point in blaming that child during the later years as the mistake has been the upbringing !!!

“Witch without a Broomstick” made me angry at the stupidity of the customs and traditions in regard to widows, but the light at the end of the tunnel lifted my spirits. After all, there are people out there who are courageous enough to get out of these stupid systems of tormenting others.

I had to write this : Sorry Sagarika, if I am outlining each of ur story !!!

“Behind those Whispers” reminded me of my childhood so much. Yes, there was separation, no touching and I cried when the guests to our homes knew what I am going through. All the things I wanted to be kept a secret was not.  But all the things I wanted to talk about was banned. Thank God that both my parents and my grandparents were lenient to many of those stupid customs, which really was a breather for me.

While my grand-parents didn’t mind if I ate before them during those whispering days, my mom actually allowed me to pray during those days. I don’t know if I really wanted to pray or not, but I wanted to break that wall of unwanted restrictions on me and considered it a victory in my mind.

And all these has given me the strength and courage to make my daughters understand that it is not bad blood nor deprive them of the comfort of a bed !!! If it’s a natural phenomenon then who are we to name it as dirty ???  If it is God-given, then why are we not allowed to visit a temple during those days ???

That is a wonderfully written poem Sagarika and you should be glad that there are many mothers like me, who are actually breaking this bad blood myth. Hope u have read this by Deepti and me.

A tear or two rolled down my cheeks, as I read through “Selling a body to gain a mind” !!!

And of course, “Sisters by choice and not by chance” is really a favorite one. I just wish there are many more homes who welcome adoption !!!

While the urge is to write a line or two about every story, I don’t want to reveal too much for the “still waiting to read” readers. Every story/poem touches a chord in my heart !!!

Is it the calendar that is too crowded, Sagarika ??? I think it’s the mind that is crowded and that needs to open up with sensitivity and acceptance to the flaws of humanity. It’s the mindset about myths and customs that need to open up and change for the better.

WTG, my friend !!! Hugs.

The “PAY ONLINE” Confusion !!!

This happened last month. But it become inconsequential among the myriad of things that’s been happening since last month in my life.  And yesterday, when I was discussing about this incident on a parallel to my friend’s experience, I realised that I didn’t blog about it.  Somehow, documenting in my blog lessens the stress and hence its a good impact on my health and life.

Living in Chennai, the electricity bill comes bi-monthly, as against the monthly billing system of my Hyderabad. And the due-date for the last bill was Dec 12th. While there was a family temple tour planned after my Dad’s first year death ceremony for Dec 9th, I was thinking about how to go and face the mad rush at the EB (Electricity Board) billing counter.  The long snake queue dreaded me. And then there was the ceremony to plan and perform. In the midst of this, I was absolutely not interested to take my eyes off that “7 secrets of Shiva” !!!  This moment of laziness has a prize to pay !!!

So, finally I decided to pay my EB bill amount online, using my ATM card. I’ve already done this once and didn’t have any problems that time. But times do change and so did the EB server, on that fateful day, I decide to pay.

While the transaction went through successfully from my side and my account was debited with the bill amount, it totally failed from the EB side.  I didn’t receive the bill either.

My laziness did a somersault and the non-receipt of the amount charged my adrenaline. I ran to my Bank, got a statement of the transaction to prove my point, then proceeded to the EB office. The whole office was deserted. OMG !!! That is a vision which I’ve never ever seen.  After speaking to those hopeless cash collecting officers, I got dejected. It looked like I knew to use their online system better than those people. The main reason for dejection was “The EB server was down since that morning” !!! And I, like a fool, chose that day to make my payment.

Then I frantically called my Bank.  They suggested that I make the payment again in CASH to avoid the disconnection of my EB line and simultaneously make a complaint and a request claim, which they’ll take it up and get the amount back in a matter of 3-4 months, at the earliest.

I felt terrible.

One officer from the EB, took pity on me and advised me to wait till the due date of 12th. And pay cash later. Sometimes the EB server takes time to credit payments.

That definitely was a breather.

We left for the temple tour. Whichever temple we entered, the top priority prayer was for the EB to accept my payment, since the amount was around 3500/-  And I didn’t want to lose that money to EB.

On my return, I checked my EB account online, with all positive thoughts of Gods answering my prayers and it still said that payment not received.

Like a zombie, scolding myself all the way, hitting on my head not to go for online payments and wondering if I’ll get my claim of 3500/- from EB, I went to the nearest ATM, took the cash to pay by cash.

Since it was the due date, the queue went past the main gate of the office and I waited stupidly in the queue for 2 hrs.

As I put in my card and cash to the collection officer, he stared at me !!! Why ??? What’s wrong ???

Then he smiled to say “Mam, why are you standing in the queue, if you have already paid???”

Was there a relief ???? Yes absolutely.

Was there an irritation ??? Yes, for standing in the queue for 2 hrs.

The feelings were confused, but the relief I experienced at that moment, is something that I’ll remember forever.

That moment of laziness is not worth the amount of stress, prayer, running around I underwent !!!

I don’t want anyone to undergo such a moment, but have u faced any such incident in the past ???

The IRONY of the late morning !!! :)

I woke up to a bright skies rather than a dark ones – the perfect indication that I am late !!!

Oh !!! **** !!! I am terribly late today !!!  :(

My trusted and SOUND wake up device, lies quietly by my side !!!

I look at it with really SHOCKED eyes !!!

“How did you fail me???” I wail.  That tiny gadget has shown me the art of deceiving at my crucial time of need. “I hate you for this” !!!

Got up in a jiffy, cooked as fast as I can. Packed her lunch and heaved out a puff of relief.

“If the alarm didn’t go off, probably you left your mobile in Silent mode, Mom !!!”

“Nooooo, even in Silent mode, this mobile rings loud for alarms !!!”

“Probably you didn’t set the alarm at all, darling !!!”

“Oh come on, the alarm setting is still ON !!! And its not ringing !!!”

Why ???

Why do people believe in that tiny gadget called mobile than in my capability to set an alarm ???

Have I not been doing this everyday for the past so many years I am in possession of that tiny communication device ???

Why ???

What do I wear ???

An absolutely brilliant post by Shail, made me write this.

Among all the good things in Chennai, lies a totally backward conservative society.  Now Chennaiites, do not jump on me, but this is an honest realization through my experience. If you have not faced such a thing in Chennai, pls do tell me all about it.

Since the favourite clothing of the three girls at my home is jeans, one can always spot us in one.  Tees, tops, kurtis – anything is fine to go with it. Before moving to Chennai, it’s always been “we wear what we like” attitude. And we were so happy with it.

I am not saying that there are no men in Hyderabad (our previous place of residence) who take advantage of women, because of their clothing.  But we were never put to uncomfortable situations because of the clothes we choose to wear.

After shifting to Chennai, the whole scenario changed.

The day I go out in a Capri, people stare – rudely. Its uncomfortable.

When the girls go out in their jeans and tee – still people stare, rudely.

My daughters, who never used to like wearing the Kurtis, are forced to wear them now because that’s the culture of Chennai and it demands them to live along with a society.  Not only that, you are supposed to wrap the whole upper torso with another stole / dupatta – forget the fact that you are living in a tropical climate and it’s terribly hot and humid to be dressed like that.  Here’s a society that wears Business suits to work place, in the tropical climate of Chennai. Isn’t it important to feel comfortable in the dress you wear ???

Even after following all these, people stare at you – both men and women. Sometimes it feels like that they are totally disrobing the person mentally. Its disgusting, uncomfortable and I hate it.

If this is the scenario for people who wear a pant and a totally torso covering clothes, what happens when the woman wears a sari, which  in my view is more provocative than other clothes.

So, eventually it comes to the point that it’s the animal instincts in men that makes them stare rudely at women, disrobe her mentally and its this instinct that needs to be brought under check.

But what puzzles me is the women who stare rudely at other women, eyeing their clothes, commenting on the jeans (especially) and bringing up their own sons in a terribly destructive, conservative way filled with hypocrisy !!!

 

The SECRETS that maketh LIFE!!!

Yes, I did receive this book – 7 Secrets of Shiva, as part of the Book Reviews program by Blogadda. And I am glad I received this book, giving me an opportunity to get through the secrets of life, which is an inherent part of this book.

This book deals with Shiva, exploring the meanings of his forms through 7 chapters or secrets, which are Lingeshwara, Bhairava, Shankara, Bholenath, Ganesha, Murugan, Nataraja.

Being born and brought up as part of an orthodox family, we were taught to worship and pray to the various deities and learn the rituals associated with it. But never were we allowed to ask a “Why” or initiate a conversation that might probably deal with details, which the elders shunned to discuss with us.

And a few years back, I happened to hear that the representation of the form of Shiva Linga, is based on a phallus. First, I was shocked and then stunned !!! Read Wiki’s explanation here.

But, now here comes a book, that actually explains what this form represents in fantastic clarity and how it is beyond the simple pleasures of life.

It is interesting to note here that, even though we visualize Shiva sitting on a snow-capped mountain, with snake around the neck, wearing an animal hide, with Ganges flowing out of his hair turban, this is not a form found in any Shiva temple for worshipping. Shiva is worshiped only as a Linga, predominantly.  The importance of this form of worship becomes evident, as I read the first secret – Lingeshwara.

The second secret of Shiva, the Bhairava deals with the aspect of how Shiva removes the fear of death in the humans. He is the Kaal Bhairava, meaning the one who removes the bhaya (fear) of Kaal (time), thereby offering immortality.

How Shiva stills the mind of humans, is the core of this secret.  Even though the examples are aplenty to make us understand this concept, it just cannot be attained in one reading. While the research efforts by the author are commendable, its sometimes difficult for the human mind, to go beyond the conventional thinking and to break the mortal fear and reach for the soul.

The importance of the number 3 in Shiva’s mythology, is quite an interesting observation.

Shankara, the third secret deals with how Nature, the Shakti hopes to transform Shiva, the insensitive angry god, into Shankara, the god who shows empathy and is patient towards the humanity.

Shakti, the nature, tries to achieve this transformation of Shiva to Shankara through being Sati, the daughter of Daksha. But wins over Shiva in the form of Parvati, daughter of Himavan.

Loved the description on how Shiva reiterates to the world that Shiva is incomplete without Shakti and that Shakti is a part of him, by becoming the Ardhanareshwara.

The secret of Bholenath refers to the innocence of Shiva, during different occasions. Parvati tries her level best to make Shiva understand the rules, that form the basis of human culture-based society, but Shiva’s innocence is beyond all these. There are many stories which makes us see the innocence of Shiva. That’s why Bholenath is represented in the form of  a child.

I particularly liked the questioning of the cultural norms by Bholenath.

The fifth and sixth secrets of Shiva are his sons, Ganesha and Muruga. Its explained beautifully how Ganesha represents freedom from fear of scarcity, while Muruga represents freedom from fear of predators. Both the sons, guide us towards the perpetual stillness, which is Shiva.

Through the seventh and final secret of Shiva, the Nataraja, the God guides the humanity towards the destruction of fear and offers the wisdom to outgrow fear, which is liberation or moksha.

We were taught many stories about the avatars of Vishnu; especially the Ramayana occupied a major part of our childhood story times. But we’ve never been told so many stories about Shiva, except for a few like the Ganesha and Muruga related ones. And this book opened my eyes about many facets of Shiva and it was enlightening.

Some people might not be comfortable reading about the explanations of phallus shape of the Lingeshwar or how Shakthi awakes the still mind of Shiva to the realities of the humanity.   There are people, who are unwilling to see different perspectives to their deities other than what has been taught in the childhood.  But I feel that the author’s details makes perfect sense.

Those beautiful and rare pictures, that is a part of every page, are a treat to the eyes.

Yesterday was Karthigai Deepam for us….which is essentially the day when we celebrate Shiva as the pillar of fire, where he burns without fuel and without any beginning or end. And what an apt ending to my reading of Shiva’s secrets. I felt that I’ve read for a purpose, which might become clear over the days to come.

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This book has been reviewed as part of Blogadda’s Book Review Program.

This review is a part of the Book Reviews Program at BlogAdda.com. Participate now to get free books!

It’s love that made this post !!!

I remember this bday very well….I was in my teens and I wanted to celebrate my bday like how my few other friends were doing. But there was quite a hungama at home, when they heard this. They can’t believe that I wanted to celebrate it with my friends by giving them all chocolates. That was the smallest thing I asked – probably the Fanta orange hard toffee or something like that. And what an argument happened after that. The elders at home were shocked at my request. Then finally mom convinced everybody and she made coconut burfi for giving to my friends. Even at that point of time, buying from outside shops was a big no-no for us. But, I was very thrilled to take sweets for my friends and its the only bday I can remember as a teen.

I’ll get a new dress for my bday and another one for diwali. If I am lucky, I might get one for Sankranti.  But that dress is something that I await the whole year. I yearn for it. I plan for it.  I think of the colors, design, material all year-long. Finally I may get something that I’ve not imagined. It was totally fun and I enjoyed them all. The underlying thread of love was so profound.

Later, when I started working, my colleagues used to gift me with Crackle – the Cadbury chocolate, of which I had a great fetish. And I’ll get all kinds of cards – both hand-made and bought, and all of them made my day.  I still have the card which a colleague gave me – written in C Language, since I love that language and still consider myself a pro in it. The love from people around me made me ecstatic.

Slowly and steadily, the art of celebrating bday parties at home became a ritual, with the darling girls coming into my life.  The smile, the joy and all the fun we had, made the party justified. My parents actually enjoyed these parties and I was happy for them. The love was weaving a beautiful quilt around the family and I went with the flow.

And now, I’ve come a long way in the art of celebrating bdays from coconut burfies to cakes and poems.

The most important thing is the love that shadows every bday celebrated with family.

And here is today’s expression of love, made with love and for my love of life. Happy Bday to my love, my partner for life.

Butter cookies with chocolate strands....

And I only thought…

When I posted yesterday, never did I think that I’ll be logging into WP in the early morning hours to pour my heart out. I was not at all planning on posting today, but for that news that shattered me.

My husband’s childhood classmate and friend died of heart attack today morning. And he came to my home only a fortnight back and was talking to us.

Whenever you are reading this, I am sorry to have shared a terrible news with you. But I needed this let out.

I thought that I’ve overcome the concept of death, when I went through the terrible 3 months of hospitalization of my father and his subsequent demise.  I was very confident that I’ve become a much stronger from the depth of my heart, after going through with all the days of crying and consoling.  I thought that I’ve overcome grief. I thought that no other situation can break me down like this.

And I only thought…

In reality, I am still the same person, with overflowing emotions and a sense of sadness that engulfs me during such situations.  I still cry at the injustice done to the family, by the loss of that soul.  I feel terrible for his loved ones, who are going through turbulent emotions, right now.  And I think that death does create such emotions in me and I pray that time will make me stronger than what I am today.

I now worry about his wife and his college going daughter. What are they feeling right now ???  I am crying as I am typing this, thinking about them…what a terrible situation to be in, isn’t it ???

It needs a great deal of mental strength and a sense of calmness to over come such  a traumatic situation and I pray God to grant that family, the much-needed strength and support. May his soul Rest In Peace.

Ad wala post!!!

Yes…I’ve been busy, trying to re-organize my life. So far, most of my time has been spent doing things for the girls and the family. Now that the time is fast approaching for my girls to start their college in a few years – which I think will surely fly – I am in search of myself, beyond the scope of a blogger. I am working on a few ideas, from which I need to finalize on something.

But, that didn’t stop me from watching my favourite MasterChef  Australia or Nigella Kitchen.  The only thing that irritates me through that 1 to 2 hrs of TV watching are the stupid Ads which are aired in-between my favorite show, when I’ll never leave my chair.

I long for vacations….I think any of us surely will long for one, even if they have just come back from one.  Here is a weird couple who check out of their vacation just to be back in their bathroom. Isn’t that absurd ??? How can anyone miss their bathroom fittings ??? Isn’t the time spent with your loved ones more important than these bathroom fittings ??? Totally can’t agree with this ad.

Another height of absurdity is this ad….I’ve never liked any of the Axe ads and this one further proves my point.

This is another one, where I totally disliked the reference to Cooking being derogatory. That was done in very bad taste.

Apart from those irritating ones, here are a few which I’ve fallen in love with – actually I don’t mind if they keep putting these ads again and again. I just pray that they don’t edit it short.

This is so much fun to watch, reminding us of our college days and loads of shararat….

So, what’s ur favorite ad ??? And what’s the one u dislike, in recent times ???

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I know I havent been reading ur posts….I am sorry. Will soon start that one. I hope u understand, my dear blog friend.

The power is within US

Do you believe in the power of the Universe ?? I do. I seriously think that I do.

Whatever I seriously and honestly wish with all my heart, the Universe will conspire to give it to me !!! Now, ain’t it too simple ???

If I honestly wish for a big car or a bungalow or loads of money, will the Universe conspire to give it to me ???  I don’t think so.  What you need to do is work towards that wish with all your heart. It’s the honest effort on your part that’ll take you towards the goal – in other words the Universe conspires to give that wish to you.

It’s the power of the mind that helps us go through with the task of working towards that goal.  And all the troubled waters we face during this task are overcome so easily, as the mind is focused on getting that one thing done.

We sometimes name this hard-work as destiny.

Whether the destiny or the Universe favors us or not, we wish for so many things on an everyday basis – whether they happen or not, whether we deserve them or not, whether its good for us or not – we still wish for so many things, everyday.  What’s wrong with that ???  Nothing….as long as the disappointment doesn’t hit us so badly.

We read sun sign predictions everyday.  If good things are predicted, then we wish them to happen. If troubles are mentioned, we pray that it should not come.  The mind which reads the star signs is unable to accept troubles as a prediction. If such open-mindedness is not there in accepting any prediction, then why should we take the trouble to read it ???

We take our horoscopes and run behind astrologers, asking one hundred questions and we hope that every answer should be favorable to us. Isn’t that funny ???

All the human mind does, is find good things favorable to the person. More than that, the inability to accept troubled times is the biggest problem of us all.  What goes up, needs to come down and vice versa. If someone hits a troubled high, then there will be a phase where the good things are big time high.  Or high levels of happy times will come down one day to make us face to face with troubled waters.

I recently heard that Astrology should be used as a guide to understand things that happen to us and not totally depend on it for problem solving. Now, that makes sense.

There’s no harm in checking out the predictions.  But be open minded to accept the good and the bad.

Just make sure that you believe in yourself  and work hard to make those things happen. Its you who is responsible for things that happen to you.

That happiness is in your hands and and in the honest effort you put in.

That ability to smile, even in troubled times, is within you.

Whether destiny favors or not, we need to favor our inner self.

We can even make the Universe conspire to give us things, through our hard work and focus.

The power is within us, let us reach for it.

My hair – My love

I look at my shoulder length hair now and wonder – how wonderfully soft my hair feels against my hand !!! WOW !!! It’s a great feeling, which has been achieved by the gentle shampoo and conditioner from my favorite brand, for the past few years – Dove. And today, with Dove, it’s so easy to get this feel, compared to my growing up years.

The time I grew up was when we were shunned for cutting / trimming / styling our hair, by the elders in the family and we never took a chance of going against the elders.  After so many years, I feel courageous to accept that I’ve indeed trimmed off the split-ends, on the third day from the New Moon Day, because doing that makes our hair grow long.

And of course, oil bath was a compulsory once in a week affair and there was no escaping it. We never bought shampoos for a long time and the only hair scrubber was the amazing shikakai powder – a totally home-made solution to counter hair loss.  Only thing is that, we needed the strength of a wrestler in our arms, to make all the oil vanish from our hair.  I am telling you, it was not an easy task to scrub away all the oil, my grandma used to apply on my hair.

Then slowly, I learnt the natural shampoos / conditioners that I can make, as I loved the feeling of soft hair. My most favorite was the hibiscus leaves shampoo.  Take a handful of hibiscus leaves and keep crushing them on a coarse surface, like the washing stone. Sprinkle water and keep crushing the leaves. Squeeze out the gooey liquid that comes out of the leaves into a separate vessel. After collecting a considerable quantity, apply that gooey liquid on the hair and leave it for half an hour to one. Wash gently with plain water. The hair feels fantastic and it’s a great and simple way to get that great feeling hair.  Now, I search hard for those hibiscus leaves – but if I see it anywhere, I  ask the owners shamelessly, if I can have a handful of leaves. I am still addicted to this softness.

Those weekends, when I don’t happen to get hibiscus leaves, I found another hair softener. It was methi seeds.  Soak 2 tsps of methi seeds (fenugreek) overnight and blend them in the morning, adding enough water. The frothy result, when applied to the hair, makes the hair tremendously soft.  Just plain water is enough to wash it off.

There is one more favorite conditioner of mine – the egg.  But, egg was a big taboo in my house. So, I’ll just buy one egg from the shop, smuggle it in between the folds of my skirt and take it into my room, where I’ll break open the egg, beat it well and apply it on my hair. But this needs to be washed off with shampoo or some shikakai.  I loved the eggy fragrance in my hair, even though everyone used to close their nose and walk away from me…..ha ha ha….I had great fun doing it and loved the texture which the egg conditioning, gave my hair.

Then came the Meera Herbal Shikakai powder, which actually reduced the effort put in by my arms to wash away the oil in my hair.  Actually, I thanked this product so much for helping me not to develop muscles in my arms and look like Sarah Connor of Judgement Day !!!  But I felt my hair was becoming frizzy after the wash.

Even though I enjoyed doing all these techniques to soften my hair and feel the bouncing hair when I walk, I got tired of all these methods over the years, as the stress of having two children took on me. Hair-fall was terrible post-delivery and I had to struggle with it.  Snip, snip went my length and shoulder length hair became a manageable task – easy to wash and maintain with a hectic morning schedule.  I had the luxury of buying shampoos and conditioners, but never felt happy with any product. One month it was Brand A and the next month, it was Brand B.  Life was good but the hair felt dull and lifeless. Everyday struggle to contain hair fall, led to more stress and more hair fall.

Then came my wonder product Dove. I first tried the moisturizing bar – not a soap, mind you – and was terribly, totally happy with the feel of my skin.  And when I saw the Dove shampoo, I just couldn’t stop myself from buying it and trying it on my hair, as I was already a loyal fan to the Dove brand.

Dove shampoo and conditioner has really changed my hair’s life after that.  Whether its washing off my hair after a swimming session or cleansing the hair after going out on a dusty afternoon, the results have been fantastic and consistent.  In fact, my daughters recommend them highly to their friends, after becoming great fans themselves.

My love for my hair can be understood by the tedious methods I learnt and did, to make my own hair-washes and conditioners.  Now, Dove does everything for me.  Its easy, its a 5-mins job spent on hair-washing but the hair looks great, as though its been groomed by a stylist.

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This post has been written as part of the  Indiblogger & Dove contest : “Love is a two way street: Love your hair and it loves you back!”